


Pirate Booty

by thorkified



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, First Love, First Time, Fluff and Smut, For Chapter 2:, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, If I missed any tags please let me know, M/M, Overall: Chapter 2 is a full on angst feast, Past Character Death, Pirate!Lucifer, Young!Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-04 14:01:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11556678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorkified/pseuds/thorkified
Summary: Sam works at a bar in Nassau, a town frequented by sailors and pirates alike. He’s been there for two years now, a 16-year-old boy who doesn’t know how much his life will be thrown upside down when a group of pirates enters the bar one night. One of them, a blond guy named Lucifer, is different than the rest and quickly sparks Sam’s interest. Before he knows what happened he’s bewitched by his charm and there’s nothing he can do about it. Little does he know he fell for one of the most dangerous men possible...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is long and I really apologize for not splitting it up in chapters, but I wanted to post this in one go.

It’s been two years since Sam lived on his own, after his brother had left Nassau without him. Sam was still a bit mad at Dean, but what could he do? Dean was gone and fourteen year old Sam had to survive somehow. He had thought about hiring on a ship, like his brother, but he never had the feeling of it being right. So, instead of leaving, Sam simply stayed. He worked many small jobs, but eventually ended behind one of the big bars that offered special services. Those services, of course, were the girls serving drinks. Sam, too, had gotten his fair share of offers, but the owner of the tavern, a grumpy old man named Bobby, was very protective of him. Bobby was the only one who knew right from the beginning how young Sam actually was, so he was more of an eagle than a man while watching over him.

Since the bar, The Dancing Mermaid, was directly across the harbor, their customers were from all over the world. Mostly they were sailors, looking for some distraction and something to drink, but there were others too. The traders, for example. Sam liked talking to them about the world and sometimes, one brought news from his brother. Apparently Dean had worked on several ships and eventually stuck with one of the bigger traders. It was nice hearing from Dean, even if it was like this. And then, of course, there were the pirates. Since Nassau was home to a lot of them, it was not unusual to see some of them come into the Mermaid. It was easy to spot them most of the time and they always provided some interesting situations.

Sam liked his job, especially since Bobby made sure he had a warm bed at night and at least two meals a day. Sometimes Sam thought he acted like a father, which was actually pretty nice since his old man left the brothers a long time ago. Since he could not rent a house, Sam lived in the Mermaid, in one of the rooms upstairs that the girls used for their services. His was the only one never used for that luckily, so he had his own little place and he enjoyed it. There was music, there were people and he was safe. What more could he want? His life wasn’t perfect, but it was enough.

One rather busy day, Sam had just finished cleaning the bar when a new group of guests came in. They were still chatting and laughing, not paying much attention to him, so he quickly rushed over to one of the tables and swiped it down. Three of the rather bulky guys sat down, while the other two walked over to the bar. Sam hurried back to take their orders and hand them out, hoping that they would stay civil because they were obviously pirates, given their loud demeanor. Sam already let out a sigh of relief, when the door opened again and one more guy walked in.

Sam only looked up when the newest guest stood in front of him at the bar and for the first time in his life his jaw dropped. Damn, this guy was hot! Sam looked into the bluest eyes he had ever seen, barely seeing anything else at this moment. He didn’t even hear what the guy said the first time, making a complete fool of himself.

“E-excuse me? What did you say?” Sam stammered, blushing slightly.

“I said: I need a drink, mate,” the guy said with a cheeky smirk on his lips. Sam had a hard time taking his eyes away from the stranger’s mouth and when he finally managed, he had the silliest smile on his face.

“Yeah, sure. We got the best ale in town.”

Sam quickly got the guy the promised ale, his eyes on him at all times, taking everything he saw in. The guy was tall, a bit taller than he was himself, and looked damn strong. He had dirty blond hair that was tied into a ponytail at his neck and a short beard that gave him a somewhat wild, yet interesting look. The small earring on his right ear more than once drew Sam’s attention when it caught the light of a candle and every time a smile sneaked on Sam’s face. He could have stared at this guy forever and he didn’t even know who he was.

“Thanks, sugar,” the guy said and winked at Sam, actually winked, and the boy thought he would faint right there on the spot. 

Sam blushed violently and was more than thankful that the guy had turned around and didn’t see him behave like a little whore. He quickly turned around, hiding his face and covering his mouth with a hand to not make and weird noises. What was happening to him?

A loud wave of cheering caught Sam’s reaction and he peeked over his shoulder, seeing the blond guy sit with the pirates that came in before. Damn, he knew it. Sam should have been appalled and cautious now, but his interest was only sparked more. From time to time, he heard the dark voice of the blond again through those of the others, sending cold shivers down his spine that felt absolutely delicious.

For the next two hours, Sam was very busy serving guests, something he usually only did behind the bar. Tonight, though, he used every chance he got to walk past the pirate’s table. Every time he came close, the blond’s attention was on him and Sam made sure to acknowledge it. He batted his lashes at him, smiled and swayed his hips more than usual - everything to make the other’s eyes spark and see this intriguing smile on his lips. Of course his behavior caught the attention of the other guys too, but Sam had no eyes for them or the girls around - he only wanted the blond’s attention. And damn, did he get it.

Finally, after serving each of the other pirates at least once, the blond came back to the bar. Sam’s heart beat faster when he saw him come closer and he blatantly stared at him with parted lips and eyes that were glued to his muscles moving.

“Lookin’ good, sugar,” the blond smirked and sat down on one of the stools at the bar.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Sam grinned and brought a new ale over. The blond, however, completely ignored it.

“I could tell you a lot of things if you are interested.”

Sam had to force himself to not yell ‘yes!’, instead he walked over to the guy and leaned over the bar.

“What’s your name, big boy? I haven’t seen you around yet,” Sam tried to sound as husky as possible and the effect it had was almost gorgeous. The blond’s eyes lit up for a second before he leaned closer so he could whisper in Sam’s ear.

“Lucifer, and yours, sugar?”

Sam couldn’t hold back the shiver that made his whole body tremble at the sound of this voice so close to his ear, with Lucifer’s hot breath tickling his skin. If he wouldn’t be leaning over the bar, his knees would have failed to support him.

“S-Sam,” he finally managed to mutter weakly, scolding himself for not being able to hold himself together better.

“What a pretty name for such a pretty boy,” Lucifer smirked and leaned back, finally taking a sip from his ale. He kept his eyes locked with Sam’s and it made Sam feel like he was burning from the inside.

“Likewise,” Sam said and, for the first time ever, got himself an ale too. He never drank, not while working or otherwise, but he felt the need for a drink now. He just hoped Bobby wouldn’t see him.

“I wonder what such a pretty boy is doing in a place like this,” Lucifer said quietly, so only Sam could hear him. “I would expect you in different etablissements…”

“And what kind of etablissements are you thinking about?” Sam asked curious, even though he could imagine the answer already. Lucifer’s eyes said it all and Sam found it incredibly hot.

“If you ask nicely, I could show you,” Lucifer winked.

“What makes you think I’m into these things?” Sam asked and raised a brow. Not that it wasn’t obvious, of course.

Lucifer smiled and suddenly stood up, reaching over the bar and before Sam could react, Lucifer grabbed him by the neck and pulled him towards himself. Sam’s eyes widened when their lips crashed together, but his surprise quickly melted away and he let himself be overwhelmed by the rough and still gentle kiss that completely blew him away. His eyes closed on their own and there was absolutely no resistance when Lucifer’s tongue slid into his mouth - his only reaction was a suppressed moan. When Lucifer finally pulled back, Sam was the biggest mess imaginable. Still, he forced himself to look back into the blond’s eyes and found them beaming at him.

“You were saying?” Lucifer cocked with a smirk that made Sam’s lips jerk.

“I was saying something?”

There was whistling from the pirate’s table, to which Lucifer laughed and held up a hand to silence them. Sam didn’t know what this was about, but he didn’t really care. The whole building could be burning down and he would not care, if he was honest.

“So, Sam,” Lucifer said, smiling. “Any plans for the evening?”

“I had plans, but they just changed,” Sam said, his cheeks still hinted with red and his face almost glowing from euphoria. “How about you, going back to your ship soon?”

“I can stay away a night,” Lucifer smirked and leaned over the bar again. “If I have a good reason to at least. And the right company.”

“If you are looking for company,” Sam chuckled, mimicking Lucifer’s position to be on his level. “Why don’t you ask Ruby over there? She has a thing for pirates.”

Lucifer’s smirk turned into a full on smile when he let his eyes wander along Sam’s jaw and neck, down to his chest. Sam’s pulse skyrocketed again when Lucifer licked his lips and gave him a seductive glare. He swallowed audibly.

“I prefer a different company,” Lucifer said and trailed a finger over Sam’s jaw. “Someone who can keep up with me. Do you know someone like that, Sam?”

Sam was about to answer, when suddenly a loud screech interrupted his thoughts and he and Lucifer both looked up. One of the guys from Lucifer’s table had apparently taken an interest in one of the girls working here and had grabbed her arm. The girl, Bela, looked utterly disgusted and tried to get away, but she stood no chance against the tight grip. Sam immediately pushed himself off the bar, but to his surprise Lucifer laid a hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down.

“Azazel, manners!” Lucifer’s voice was ice cold and low, but it was so intense that Sam got goosebumps all over his arms, even though his anger was not directed at him. The man let go of Bela as if he had burned his hand and she quickly scurried into the back, probably to alarm Bobby. Sam hoped it would not end in them being kicked out.

“Sorry, Luce!” Azazel said with a wide and disgusting grin and raised his hands. “I forgot myself.”

“You better remember, or you will sleep below the kitchen tonight.”

“What is below the kitchen?” Sam asked curious and Lucifer turned back around, giving him a stern look. 

“Nothing.”

Sam watched Azazel almost sneak back to the table and sit down, apparently Lucifer’s threat had not missed. He was rather impressed by the kind of control he had over the men and wondered if he was more than just a simple pirate.

“I should get back to work,” Sam said, his mood slightly destroyed by the sudden interruption, which did not make him happy at all. He pushed himself back up and left the space behind the bar, disappointed that his fun with Lucifer ended before it could really begin, but he was surprised once more. When he walked past Lucifer he was suddenly grabbed by the wrist and seconds later found himself on Lucifer’s lap.

“Not so fast, pretty boy,” Lucifer said and grabbed Sam by the waist. He leaned down again and this time Sam felt his stomach tighten at what would happen next. It was incredible feeling Lucifer’s lips against his own again. He almost melted against the blond, one of his hands grabbing his shirt and holding him close to get as much out of this as he could. Lucifer’s fingers dug into Sam’s skin, sending more hot spikes through the boy’s body that felt just amazing. It was almost painful to let go of Lucifer.

“I hope you don’t think we are done yet,” Lucifer said with a dark tone.

Sam gave Lucifer a look filled with all the arousal he felt right now and pressed himself closer against him. His hand let go of the blond’s shirt and found one of his hands, which he slowly took and shoved down the front of his pants. He should have been ashamed to do something like this basically in public, but this thought didn’t even come to his mind. Feeling Lucifer’s hand pressed against the bulge that had built in his pants was erasing all other things.

None of them said a word, but Lucifer’s eyes widened for a moment before he kissed Sam again, even rougher this time and with so much longing that it made Sam’s head spin. There was no visible movement for anyone else, but Sam felt Lucifer’s fingers curl and grab his cock through the little bit of fabric between them and had to hold back a gasp at just how good it felt. Damn, he would bend over this bar and let Lucifer have his way with him if he would have asked. He had never wanted anyone as bad as him right now, it was insane.

“You better come back, because I don’t like being teased without getting what I want.” Lucifer groaned against Sam’s lips before pulling back completely and Sam, unable to form words, nodded at him with bright eyes.

It was incredibly hard to walk straight after standing back on his own feet. Sam's face was still all hot and his crotch felt like a fire was lit inside, if it weren't for the rather wide pants he wore everyone would see just what effect Lucifer had on him. Still, Sam forced his best poker face out and walked to the tables to see if the guests needed anything. By the time he was about to return to the bar, he noticed Bela coming back into the room - with Bobby. His heart dropped to his stomach. 

“That's him!” Bela said angrily and pointed at Azazel. Sam tried to make himself as small as possible and slipped back behind the bar, where he caught a confused glance from Lucifer.

“So, you think you can grab my girls and hurt them?” Bobby asked and built himself up in front of the table. He wasn't as tall as Lucifer, but he was strong and experienced in bar fights. Sam knew that Azazel wouldn't stand a chance if Bobby decided to teach him a lesson.

“Sir, please,” Lucifer suddenly stepped in, before anyone else could speak up. He walked over to Bobby and smiled gently. “My friend forgot his manners over too much of your wonderful ale, isn't that right, Azazel?”

Azazel nodded dutifully and grinned, a view that made Sam shudder. Bobby grunted in return and eyed Lucifer from head to toes. Sam assumed he calculated his chances.

“No one treats my girls like this,” Bobby continued slowly. “I don't care how much money you leave here, I won't tolerate this behavior.”

Sam expected an argument or a fight, but Lucifer simply nodded calmly and kept his smile.

“I fully understand,” Lucifer said and laid a hand on Azazel's shoulder. “Time for you to apologize to this lovely lady, Az, and then you can leave. Your night out is over.”

Azazel muttered something under his breath Sam couldn't understand before Lucifer pulled him up by his shirt and he eventually apologized. Then, Lucifer gave him a shove into the door’s direction and Azazel left the bar like a beaten dog.

“I am very sorry that this happened to you, madam.” Lucifer’s voice was like butter and when he took Bela’s hand and placed a kiss on her knuckles she giggled and blushed ashamed. Sam wanted to punch her, or him. He didn't know yet. “I hope we can forget this nasty moment and return to enjoy this evening.”

“Of course, yes,” Bela chuckled, completely bewitched by Lucifer’s charme. “Nothing really happened, it's fine.”

“Excellent.”

Lucifer was about to walk back to the bar and Sam, when Bobby suddenly held him back. Sam forgot how to breathe for a moment.

“I hope the rest of your men know how to behave,” Bobby warned Lucifer. “If anything else happens, I will throw you out. All of you. None of my girls will be touched by any of you again, understood?”

Lucifer’s smile was the most victorious Sam had ever seen and he would bet that he knew what the blond was thinking. 

“Of course not, you have my word,” Lucifer said as friendly as he could and then, finally, returned to his spot at the bar.

Sam waited patiently until Bobby was gone again, pretending to clean the bar and to check his utensils. Only when he was absolutely sure the old man was gone he turned his attention back to Lucifer.

“I thought he would throw all of you out,” he hissed impressed. “You wrapped them around your finger.”

“I would prefer to do that to someone else, you know,” Lucifer smirked and tapped on the wooden surface under his hands.

“Are you sure you don't want to try your luck with Bela?” Sam couldn't hold back the sarcastic question and the angry glare. “She would do anything you ask of her.”

“And you wouldn't?” Lucifer raised a brow. “Don't tell me you are jealous.”

“Keep dreaming,” Sam huffed, but it was a weak attempt at lying. He was never like this before, but he couldn't stand the thought of Lucifer looking at her like that.

“Oh sugar,” Lucifer purred, a cheeky smile on his lips. “That was all just show, the only one in this place I want is right in front of me.”

“And if I don't want you? If I put on a show before myself?”

“Sassy, I like that. Look into my eyes and tell me you don't want me, go ahead.”

The confidence in Lucifer’s voice left no doubt about his thoughts. He knew Sam couldn't say it because it wasn't true. Even if he tried, Sam couldn't say it.

“So?” Lucifer asked again, teasing the other with a wink.

“I’m not like those girls, I don't offer special services,” Sam eventually said, just to break the silence.

“I didn't ask for a special service. Or are you scared?”

“I'm not scared,” Sam huffed, blushing slightly. In reality, he was a bit scared. “I'm just not like them. I'm not a whore.”

“I'm not looking for a whore, Sam,” Lucifer said seriously and looked into the boy’s eyes. “But I want you and I know you want me too. It's obvious, so why do we keep dancing around it like this?”

Sam wanted to say they didn't dance, but he couldn't. He glanced over at Ruby, who was just coming downstairs with a guest she had spent the last hour with and frowned. No, he was not like them, he didn't sell his body for money. But he couldn't deny that he really wanted Lucifer, even if he shouldn't. He just didn't know if he could actually do it, that was the problem. This wasn't like the one time with the daughter of a sailor a few months ago, this would be more difficult. And he couldn't tell Lucifer that, no way.

“Sam,” Lucifer’s soft voice broke the boy out of his thoughts. “I can see that you're scared, don't try to hide it. Just say no if you don't want to, it's your choice.”

“No,” Sam said and shook his head. “No, I want you, but you have to promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“Be gentle, will you?” Sam could feel the heat in his cheeks when he looked up, knowing what he had just said and extremely nervous about Lucifer’s reaction. The blond was still smiling, but now there was a sparkle in his blue eyes too that made Sam's knees weak.

Lucifer stood up, grabbed Sam by the wrist and pulled him over the bar. With their lips pressed together he wrapped his arms around the boy’s chest, easily lifting him over the counter and letting him down in front of him. Sam felt like flying when they broke the kiss and looked at each other.

“I will be, I promise,” Lucifer smiled gently and cupped Sam's cheek. “I would never hurt such a pretty boy like you.”

“You won't even get the chance to, pirate!” A loud and furious voice suddenly came from behind Lucifer and Sam flinched as if someone had just slapped him. Now it was over, he forgot about Bobby and his eagle eyes. There was no way this would end well, for any of them. 

Lucifer turned around slowly, one of his arms still wrapped around Sam, who wanted nothing more than to vanish on the spot. Bobby's face was a mask of anger and, much worse, disappointment. Sam felt horrible.

“What do you think you are doing there, boy?” Bobby asked sharply and glared at Sam. “I thought you were smart, kid.”

“Bobby, it's not what you think,” Sam mumbles embarrassed and looks at his feet. “I'm old enough to make my own decisions…”

“Old enough?” Bobby scoffs and crosses his arms. “You're sixteen, boy! Sixteen! The only thing you're old enough for is to shut up!”

Sam stiffened when Bobby basically yelled his age out and for a few moments the whole bar was dead silent. He knew that every pair of eyes was on them right now and it made him both angry and ashamed. Sam clenched his hands to fists when suddenly a gentle and soothing hand laid on his shoulder. He looked up confused, only to find Lucifer looking at Bobby as if he had just insulted him.

“With all due respect, sir,” Lucifer said with a forced calm voice to mask his anger. “I understand your concern for Sam's safety, but he is able to decide for himself. When I was sixteen I was already-”

“Do I look like I give a damn what you were? I know who you are, I know everything about your kind and your captain!” Bobby's words were filled with more disgust than Sam had ever heard and it hurt that they were directed at both of them in a way. “Take your men and leave this place, you are not welcome here any longer!”

“No, Bobby, stop it!” Sam burst out, summoning all his strength to finally stand up for himself. “That's enough!”

“It's enough when I say it is! Do you know how dangerous this man is? Do you know who he belongs to?”

“I don't care, Bobby!” Sam told him and met his stern glare just as determined. “I know you think I'm still a child, but I'm not. I wasn't since Dean left me here all by myself, you know that.” It was the hardest thing Sam did, given Bobby had been more of a father to him than anyone else, but he had to do it. “I'm sixteen, so what? You were married at sixteen, in case you don't remember!”

“I took you in, kept you safe and this is how you thank me?” Bobby asked and it felt like a sword through Sam's heart.

“No, Bobby, I don't,” Sam mumbles quietly. The only reason he kept speaking was the slight squeeze Lucifer gave his shoulder. “I just want you to let me be, that's all. I can look after myself, I'm not the scared child that stood on your doorstep and begged for food anymore…”

“You're a blockhead, just like your old man,” Bobby huffed. “Don't look at me like that, yes, I knew him. Why do you think I kept an eye on you all this time?”

Sam was out of words.

“You're jumping into your ruin, that's what you're doing, kid. Don't come running to me when it's over and tell me you screwed up, don't even think about it.”

“He will have no reason for that,” Lucifer said, drawing Bobby's attention back at him.

“I told you, I know who you are and who you belong to,” Bobby warned the blond again, more intense this time. “You hurt this boy and I will end you. I can't stop him from being dumb, but I will not hesitate to raise hell if your dirty hands harm just a single hair on his head.”

With these words, not waiting for an answer, Bobby turned around and left the two alone. Sam was shaking and fighting to not act like a baby and cry in front of everyone and it was damn hard to control himself. Some people had stopped looking at them, but the girls still had their eyes glued to Sam, who felt like a total fool and completely exposed and naked.

“Don't worry,” Lucifer whispered close to Sam's ear. “He is just upset, he didn't mean it like that.”

“And if he did?” Sam asked with a thick voice, turning his head to look at the blond. “He's the closest to a family and a home I have.”

“It'll be alright, I promise,” Lucifer returned and placed a gentle kiss on Sam's cheek. “Let's get somewhere quiet, okay? If you want to.”

“I want nothing more,” Sam said serious and let Lucifer take one of his hands. “Upstairs, my room is the one on the far right.”

“You lead the way.”

Sam’s steps were a bit shaky at first, mostly because he felt the girl’s eyes still on him and it made him feel awkward after what just happened, but when they reached the stairs they became more steady. Yes, Bobby had just revealed his secret to everyone and he would have a lot of explaining to do, but right here and now he wouldn't defend himself. What he wanted now was Lucifer and he'd get it, no matter what they would have to say.

When they arrived at Sam's room, the boy hesitated for a moment and looked up at Lucifer.

“It's not as pretty as the other rooms because I don't usually -”

He couldn't finish his sentence because his words were cut off when Lucifer kissed him again and he completely forgot what he wanted to say. Lucifer pushed the door open himself, shoving them inside while kissing Sam and when the door behind them closed Sam heard the beautiful click of his lock. Once again his stomach tightened and he suddenly felt incredibly nervous.

“Lucifer?” Sam asked carefully when the blond pulled back, hands laying on the others broad chest and trembling slightly.

“What's wrong? Changed your mind?”

“No, but… I'm not really an expert in this…”

“Oh Sam,” Lucifer smiled and tilted up the boy’s head gently. “I never thought you'd be. I'll be careful, I promise.”

“Thank you.”

Sam didn't think Lucifer would hurt him, but it didn't ease all his nervousness. His room wasn't very big, merely a bed and a small table, but Lucifer didn't even bother to look around. His eyes were solely on Sam and when he shoved a hand under the boy's shirt Sam threw his head back and bit his lip to not moan already. It felt so good how Lucifer’s fingers traced his skin that he had a hard time keeping it together. 

“You really want this, don't you?” Lucifer cooed seductively. Sam let out a huff, combined with his best 'are you serious’ expression.

“More than you can imagine.”

“Then I should make this unforgettable,” Lucifer smiled and leaned down. His lips ghosted over Sam's neck for a moment, lingering there until Sam let out a pleading sound, then he placed soft and tender kisses on his skin that made the other whimper under his touch.

Sam didn't fight at all when Lucifer took the Hem of his shirt and pulled it up, only stopping his kisses long enough to pull it over Sam's head completely. Immediately Lucifer’s hands were on him again, exploring his body in ways Sam didn't think were possible. When he lifted him up and laid him down on his bed he barely noticed it, only when Lucifer towered above him and they locked eyed did he realize what had happened.

“I could look at you all day, Sam,” Lucifer smiled down at him, causing the boy to blush again.

“I hoped you would do more than just look,” Sam pouted slightly, a bit to mask his insecurities at the moment.

“Oh, I'll do so much more to you…”

Sam watched almost mesmerized how Lucifer slid out of his own shirt and revealed the tattoos on his chest. Sam eyes lightened up and he ran his hand's over the tanned and inked skin, trailing Lucifer’s muscles, completely fascinated. When his hands reached Lucifer’s pants he hesitated again, torn between continuing and stopping.

Luckily, Lucifer took the decision away from him by covering his hands with his own and shoving them down further. Sam was excited and shocked at the same time when his palms pressed against Lucifer’s hard-on and he could barely hold in a gasp. Damn, he was huge. Lucifer let out a groan so filled with delight that Sam was quickly pulled back from his straying thoughts, however, and he looked up. It was almost magical to see Lucifer like this, Sam had thought he was handsome before, but this was simply gorgeous so see. He let his hands run over Lucifer’s stomach and chest again, savoring how he could keep doing this forever without getting tired. 

When Lucifer gently took Sam’s hands away and worked the boy out of his pants, Sam was visibly excited already and not even ashamed - if there was ever someone who managed to turn him on effortlessly it had to be Lucifer. Sam grabbed for Lucifer’s pants himself now, pulling on them shamelessly with a sleek smirk on his face.

“Now that’s what I call eager,” Lucifer murmured, crawling over Sam to drown him in a deep kiss into which Sam moaned as their bodies pressed together and Lucifer began grinding against his crotch. Sam’s fingers clawed into Lucifer’s shoulders when he arched his back to get more friction from him. There was just too little of it, he wanted Lucifer’s hands everywhere. Dammit, maybe he was a whore, but he couldn’t have cared less as long as the blond kept doing that.

Lucifer took his time teasing Sam, turning him into a whimpering mess that was shaking whenever Lucifer touched him. Without a doubt this was going to kill him at one point, but it was too good to rush Lucifer or to do anything but give into the delicious pleasures he caused. Sam enjoyed every second of it, only when it was finally about to get real he hesitantly stopped him.

“I won’t hurt you, sugar, I promised,” Lucifer assured him, gently caressing his cheek. “You will be in control, you decide on the pace. Just close your eyes and let me make you feel good.”

Sam nodded slowly and let go of Lucifer’s hand. He closed his eyes as Lucifer asked, still pretty nervous and a bit scared, but he trusted the blond to keep his promise. No matter what anyone else said, Sam knew Lucifer was going to be tender. It felt a little weird at first being touched like this, but Lucifer was very gentle and careful with him. When Lucifer turned Sam to his side, however, he was slightly confused and opened his eyes again.

“What are you doing?” he asked, fearing he might have done something wrong, but he got an affectionate smile in return and a peck of his lips.

“Trust me, it will be easier this way,” Lucifer whispered and placed a soft kiss on Sam’s neck. He laid down behind him, a hand gently stroking Sam’s rock hard cock just so much that he enjoyed it, but wouldn’t finish just yet. His other hand trailed down Sam’s spine and whenever he got a bit lower, he placed a kiss on his shoulders and back, making Sam pant in front of him.

The moment Lucifer’s fingers slid between his cheeks again Sam stiffened for a second, but immediately relaxed again when the sweet pleasure of his touch came back. Lucifer used his fingers until Sam was completely relaxed again and only then he slowly pulled them out and Sam could feel him stroke himself behind his back. He would have loved to see him do that, but his mind was filled with the friction Lucifer created on his own cock and all he could do was quietly moan and tremble under his touch.

Sam let out a surprised gasp when he suddenly felt something much bigger than a finger press against his hold. Lucifer’s hand, which had stroked Sam just seconds ago, immediately moved to his chest, holding him close against him as he stopped moving. He kissed his neck again in an attempt to soothe him.

“Shh… relax for me,” Lucifer whispered between kisses and Sam forced himself to nod. “It will feel good, I promise. Just the first moment feels strange.”

“It’s okay, do it,” Sam said quietly, grabbing the hand on his chest with one of his own. “I want it, really. Please do it.”

Lucifer squeezed Sam’s hand and pushed forward a bit, not without keeping his lips pressed against the soft skin on Sam’s neck. Again the boy tensed up a bit, but it wasn’t as bad as the last time and Lucifer managed to push the tip of his cock in before Sam hissed and grabbed his hand tighter.

“It’s okay, sugar,” Lucifer whispered, brushing his lips over his neck again. “We’ll take it slow, you decide when you want more.”

“It stings,” Sam whined, but there was more than pain in his voice and Lucifer heard it too. “But it feels good. Just… give me a moment.”

Lucifer nodded and gave Sam his time to relax again. It only took him a few moments before he squeezed Lucifer’s hand again, signaling him to keep going. As careful as possible, the blond pushed inside Sam a bit more, earning a mixture of moaning and crying in return. This time, however, the pleasure was much more audible than before.

“You feel so damn good Sam,” Lucifer purred with a hoarse voice, wrapping a hand around Sam’s waist to steady him. “You’re so tight and hot, it’s incredible.”

Sam let out a pleasure filled whimper and grabbed Lucifer’s hand tight, pushing himself back a bit. He wouldn’t back out now, not when it just started to feel good and he was determined to ignore the pain. This was amazing, if he would ruin it by being a whiny chick he could never forgive himself. Lucifer kept his cautiousness, only pushing into Sam slowly and watching every reaction he got, which Sam was very thankful for. It didn’t take long before the pain was completely overshadowed with pleasure and Sam began falling into a series of delightful little moans.

“How do you feel, Sam?” Lucifer asked and gently brushed a streak of wet hair out of Sam’s eyes. “Talk to me, sugar.”

“Amazing,” Sam whispered breathless, not even sure if he actually got the word out or not. “Please, keep moving. It feels so good when you do…”

Lucifer answered with a deep groan that gave Sam the shivers and pushed into him a bit deeper, their angle allowing him to do so without causing any unnecessary pain. Sam trembled again and Lucifer wrapped both his arms around him to hold him as tight against him as possible. It sure wasn’t what he had expected when he entered the bar, but it was perfect feeling Sam like this.

Sam kept pushing himself against Lucifer the best he could, showing him that he was ready for more, and Lucifer got the hint. It was careful, but inch after inch, Lucifer pushed into Sam. When he had finally gone all the way and was balls deep in the boy, Lucifer let out a deep breath and gave him time to adjust to the feeling, which Sam caught as a sign of him being hesitant.

“You feel so good, Lucifer,” Sam moaned in his best aroused voice. Fuck, he loved this. “Just… please keep going, please…”

This wasn’t something Lucifer had to be told twice, even if he was very careful at first. He slowly began moving inside Sam, but even though he was slow it felt like an explosion for the younger one. Sam desperately held onto Lucifer’s arm and started to go with Lucifer’s pace, meeting his thrusts better and better each time. There was nothing holding Sam back anymore, he let himself go completely as Lucifer kept pushing into him and became faster very quick.

Sam had some kind of experience, but this was a totally different situation. Wave after wave of arousal and pleasure rushed through him and soon, with every new thrust, Sam began moaning like a cat in heat. He forgot what to do with his hands and in the end he simply gave up and just grabbed his sheets while bending over and allowing Lucifer fuck him deeper. At one point, Sam even bit into the pillow to silence his frantic moans that got out of control very fast.

When Sam came it was a surprise that felt both amazing and confusing. He came into his sheets so hard that his knuckles turned white from grabbing them and there was no way to stop the downright obscene ‘Oh god, Lucifer, yes!’ that escaped his lips. He never came this intense before and Lucifer kept pounding into him, turning his moans into whimpers of utter pleasure.

“Damn, Sam, you know how to put on a show,” Lucifer praised him with a dark voice. Sam growled and forced his arms to push himself up so he could look at him.

“You… fucking son of a bitch…” he gasped, without any anger in his words. “I… fuck, I can’t breathe…”

“If you keep talking like this I’m gonna come all over you,” Lucifer groaned and, to Sam’s utter shock, he pulled out. Sam immediately got on his knees and turned around, giving Lucifer the most gorgeous puppy eyes the blond had ever seen.

“Why… are you stopping?” Sam asked while trying to catch his breath. Lucifer gave him a gentle smile.

“I’m gonna hurt you if I keep going,” he told him, but Sam had none of that. He shook his head, shaking hands moving to Lucifer’s crotch to wrap around his hard cock.

“I want you to come too,” Sam said serious. “Please, let me…”

Lucifer nodded and bit his lip while shifting his position so he could let Sam do as he pleased. Sam’s touch was inexperienced, but his fingers felt heavenly around Lucifer’s cock, so much that he threw his head back and moaned quietly. It was obvious that Sam wanted to make him feel good too, because his eager outweighed his inexperience and damn, Lucifer had to admit that Sam’s hands were really talented. It felt too good having him work on his cock like that.

“Sam, fuck…” Lucifer hissed with his eyes pressed shut.

Encouraged by the blond’s reaction, Sam focused on nothing else but what he was doing now. He slowly stroked Lucifer’s twitching cock, fascinated and absolutely mesmerized by the sounds he coaxed with his touch. His own orgasm still made him feel light-headed and utterly blissful and when Lucifer grabbed his shoulder and dug his nails into his skin, Sam became hard all over again. If he would be brave enough, he would replace his hands with his mouth, but he feared he would ruin everything with that, so he tried to make it as good as possible with his hands.

Lucifer dug his feet into the sheets, his fingers curling and leaving scratch marks on Sam’s shoulders, but it didn’t help him keep control at all. Instead, he began bucking his hips and meeting Sam’s strokes- Sam was giving it all he could and when he squeezed his hand and pressed a finger against the tip of Lucifer’s cock, the blond came with a moan filled with pleasure. Sam kept jerking him and meeting his thrusts, unable to stop even when Lucifer came and just witnessing what he had done to him made Sam come against his own leg again, dry but not less intense. Sam licked his lips without even realizing is when Lucifer came all over his hand and he swore he had never seen something so hot and perfect before.

“Damn you…” Lucifer hissed. “That’s so hot, I can’t believe it…”

“I can,” Sam purred, still stroking Lucifer’s cock lazily while searching for his eyes. “I’ve never been fucked before, this was perfect.”

“What a shame,” Lucifer smirked and managed to lay a hand on Sam’s cheek to signal him to come closer. “But I’m glad I was the first to do it, I’ve never had such a gorgeous boy before.”

Sam was completely overwhelmed and couldn’t answer, just crashed his lips against Lucifer’s and pressed his body against the other’s. Lucifer’s hands moved to his back to hold him and his own held onto the blond’s arms in an attempt to find some support.

“Stay, please,” Sam whispered when he forced himself to break the kiss, not wanting Lucifer to leave just yet. He knew it was childish, but he absolutely loved being held by him. The blond answered with a kiss on Sam’s forehead so sweet it made him feel all fuzzy.

“Anything for you, Sam.” Lucifer brushed a hand through Sam’s hair, sealing his lips with his own again and pulling him closer.

Sam thought he had entered heaven when Lucifer’s arms wrapped around him again and he was pressed against him. He closed his eyes with pure bliss filling his body and in this moment wished he would never have to leave Lucifer’s side again. This was more than just the pleasure he had just felt, it went beyond physical delight. Sam was the happiest he had ever been and he never wanted it to end.

\-----

It was in the middle of the night that Lucifer woke up, still having Sam cuddled up against him and two of their hand entwined on his chest. He kept lying there for a while, simply looking at Sam's face that was barely lit by a lamp that would soon go out. He had never seen such a peaceful and innocent face before, which made what he had to do next just so much harder. As much as he would have liked to stay with Sam, it was impossible. 

He had not planned the last night the way it had happened, but he couldn't deny that he had enjoyed it a lot. Sam was kind of special. Not in the way other guys pretended to be, there was just something about him that made him want to stay.

Careful to not wake the boy up, Lucifer pressed a kiss on his forehead and freed his hand from the others. Sam shifted a little in his sleep and curled up even closer, to which Lucifer let out a sad sigh. Oh, how he wished he could stay with him and not just leave, but he couldn't do that to him.

When he collected his clothes and got dressed, Lucifer felt an ache in his chest that had not been there before in similar situations. Ignoring it was impossible, however, for Sam's sake he had to do it. He sneaked out as quietly as he could and hoped no one saw him leave and vanish into the night.

The town was still far from asleep, there was music coming from somewhere and people were laughing, so there was really no one who should have noticed Lucifer walking by. He climbed on board the biggest ship in the harbor, nodding at the one guarding it and making his way under deck to see if he could get a drink. He surely needed one right now.

\-----

When he opened his eyes Sam thought he had had a wonderful dream, but he quickly realized that he didn't make anything up because when he sat up he felt the slight sting in his lower regions. He smiled silly when he turned around to search for Lucifer, a smile that died immediately when he found the other half of his bed empty. Sam slowly scanned his room for a sign that Lucifer wasn't gone, even though the empty bed and disappearing of his clothes were obvious signs - Sam didn't want to believe it.

All the joy was gone from Sam's mind when he crawled out of bed and fetched his clothes from the floor to get dressed. He didn't understand what he had done to make Lucifer leave without a word. Had it been that bad for him, really? It hurt to think about it, but Sam couldn't imagine a different reason.

Leaving his room had never been this hard before, especially not with the way he had acted towards Bobby the night before. Now he was exactly in the situation he had warned him about: Lucifer had ditched him. Sam knew Bobby would have a speech for him and he deserved it - of he even had a job and a home anymore at this point, he really couldn't tell.

The bar was still empty, so Sam wasn't disturbed when he sat down on one of the stools and covered his head with his arms. He sat there like this for a long time, waiting for whatever was going to happen and not even able to cry. His stomach was empty and his throat sore, but there was no strength in him to even get up and find something to eat or drink. Somehow he saw no reason in doing so…

“What are you doing here?” Sam heard a scruff voice after a while, which made his stomach tighten. “Didn't your pirate boyfriend take you with him?”

“Go ahead, say it,” Sam mumbled without looking up. “Tell me how dumb I am and how you knew this would happen. Come on, do it. I deserve it.”

“And why would I do that?” Bobby asked, now standing in front of Sam, which finally made him look up.

“Because you told me not to do it and I was dumb enough to ignore you.”

“Look, boy,” Bobby sighed and handed Sam a mug of water. “I told you to be careful because I know this guy. Knew him when he was a kid, actually.”

“You know him?” Sam couldn't hide that he was shocked. “But… how? ”

“Must be twenty years ago now, give or take a few. Back then I just came to Nassau, after Karen died I needed a new start and I found it here. Bought the place from an old drunk named Chuck, who had more kids than he was able to count. One of them was Lucifer.”

“How do you know it was him and not someone else?” Sam couldn't believe it, this had to be coincidence.

“You think I'd forget a name like that?” Bobby laughed and shook his head. “Not many people name their sons after the Devil, Chuck was one of them. Would've known without the name too, though. Those eyes are unique.”

“I can't believe you knew him as a child.”

“Hard to believe it's the same boy, really, but Lucifer was always a wild one. Kept getting into fights with the wrong people and constantly pissing someone off. You'd think such a smart kid would know better, but nah.”

“What happened, do you know that?” Sam was curious now. Lucifer might have left him in the middle of the night, but he wanted to know if Bobby might have a reason.

“Killed a guy, that's what happened,” Bobby huffed, as if Sam could have guessed it. “Back then, soldiers still tried keeping pirates away from the town and he hated them. I only heard it from Chuck a few years later when he was drunk out of his mind, but he said Lucifer had angered the soldiers so much that they threatened his family. Chuck said the soldiers threatened Lucifer’s little brothers and he flipped. Twelve years old and sliced this guy's throat open like an apple.”

“Oh my God…” Sam felt horrible. He had expected everything but not this.

“Chuck kicked him out to save the rest of his family. Lucifer spit in his face and stormed off. Haven't seen him again since, but your boyfriend is definitely him. I'll never forget those eyes. And I heard the rumors. Everyone who knew him did. Found himself a new family with some pirates. Looks like the rumors were true after all.”

“He's not my boyfriend,” Sam mumbled sadly and looked down at his glass. “You were right, I should've listened to you.”

“Oh, I saw him sneak out last night. Looked like a wet dog if you ask me.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Remember who you're talking to, boy!” Bobby warned Sam and raised a hand. “I didn't kick you out when you gave me your attitude yesterday, but I'm still the boss here.”

“Sorry, Bobby” Sam said quietly. “What do you mean he looked like a wet dog?”

“He didn't look like someone who just escaped a girl’s iron grip, let's put it that way.”

Sam had no idea what to make of this, but if he understood Bobby right Lucifer looked unhappy? That made no sense.

“Doesn't matter,” Sam eventually sighed and finished his water. “He’s gone, he didn't even say anything. You were right, I'm just a dumb kid after all.”

“It's better this way, trust me,” Bobby assured him. “You don't want to follow him, he's not known for his good taste in company.”

“Those guys he was here with?”

“Much worse.” Bobby didn't say anything else, but the way he said it sounded almost dooming.

Sam sighed and turned around, looking at the door. He wondered if Lucifer was gone already or if his ship was still in the docks, but he didn't dare to ask Bobby. If he just walked over and looked for himself?

“You're looking for a big ship, son.”

Sam’s face turned red and he quickly spun back around, failing to hide his embarrassment. 

“I'm not looking for a ship,” he mumbled, but Bobby just laughed.

“No, you're looking for a pirate. Sam, I know I can't tell you what to do, I can just ask you to watch out. If you want to look for him, do it. I won't stop you.”

“I doubt he wants to see me or he wouldn't have left.”

“If you want to try your luck you better do it now, cause the last drunk idiots boarded the ship an hour ago. They'll leave soon.”

Sam's eyes widened when he heard that and his heart skipped a few beats.

“Are you sure? The big one you said?”

“The biggest one in town,” Bobby laughed and shook his head. “Go, I know you want it. Just keep your head in the right place and come back home sometime, will you?”

Sam nodded and jumped up, not even caring to take anything with him. On his way out he almost bumped into Bela, who gave him a disgusted look he ignored completely. He had no time for her games right now, she could hate him all he wanted, he didn't care.

The ship was the first Sam spotted in the docks and he couldn't help but whistle at the size of it. He had not expected such a monster, much less the many men running around on deck. Then, an idea came to him that could get him into a lot of trouble, but it was the only one he had. After quickly hiding out of sight, Sam ruffled his hair to mess it up more and pulled and tucked on his clothes until they had a more ragged look. He didn't know if it would work or not, but he had to try it.

Getting on board of the ship was easier than he had thought. When he waved up at one of the guys to get attention he immediately threw a rope down on which Sam could climb up. Once he had set foot on the deck, the guy slapped his back and let out an amused laugh.

“Got a few too much, buddy? Lucky you, we were about to leave.”

Sam forced himself to laugh too, glad that this guy apparently thought he belonged here, and made himself useful by helping him roll up the ropes. 

The ship left Nassau only minutes after Sam had managed to sneak on board and for some reason Sam felt really excited. This feeling was quickly replaced with fear though, when he realized that he had just boarded a pirate ship that was leaving the one place he called home. He stood at the railing and stared at the town that got smaller and smaller, long after the other guy and most crew members had already left the deck. He couldn't help but feel a sadness crawl up in him.

“Hey mate, don't you have something to do?”

Sam froze on the spot and grabbed the railing tight. Lucifer… what kind of luck did he have? Slowly, with all the confidence he could muster, Sam turned around.

“You tell me, do I?”

“What the! Sam? What are you doing here?” Lucifer was completely baffled and walked over to Sam, grabbing him by the shoulders. “How did you get here?”

“Well, guess what I'm doing here!” Sam tried not to be angry, but with Lucifer asking such dumb questions he couldn't help it. “You left me like a cheap whore and have the nerve to ask me this?”

“I didn't - okay, maybe I did.” Lucifer snarled and quickly pulled Sam away from the railing, so they could hide behind the ship’s biggest mast. “I didn't mean it that way, okay? But you can't just sneak in here! Don't you know whose ship this is?”

“What makes you think I give a damn about whose ship I'm on?” Sam asked and pushed himself away from the blond.

“Sam, you got yourself into so much trouble,” Lucifer groaned and ran a hand over his mouth. “We have to hide you, if you're found…”

“What then?” Sam asked and spread his arms. “What are you gonna do? Leave again? That's a bit difficult now don't you think?”

“Stop being so stubborn, dammit! I'm trying to save your life here!” Lucifer growled back, now just as angry as Sam was. “The captain doesn't like rats who sneak on his ship at all, okay?”

“Oh, I'm a rat now! Awesome! Last night I was good enough and now I'm a rat?”

Lucifer let out a frustrated snarl and clenched his hands to fists. When he opened them again he took a deep breath.

“No, Sam, you're not a rat,” he finally said very sincerely. “But you shouldn't be here. If you're found he will do worse than just leave you alone somewhere, don't you understand? He's going to cut your pretty head off, that's what he’ll do!”

“Are you… are you serious?” Sam mumbled with wide eyes and Lucifer nodded.

“You really have no idea. This isn't a game. If you're found on board you'll -”

“Lucifer! Where the hell are you?”

The sudden deep voice actually made Lucifer flinch and before Sam knew what was happening he was shoved behind the blond. Lucifer drew his sword and shielded Sam with his body, who was completely shocked by the others reaction. 

“Lucifer, what?”

“Shut up, Sam, I beg you,” Lucifer hissed, his voice completely controlled by fear and shaking horribly. “For once in your life, shut up.”

“Lucifer!” The voice shouted again and now they both heard the heavy steps coming towards them. Lucifer swallowed audibly before finally answered.

“Here, Captain!” he shouted back, a bit less fearful.

Sam peeked around Lucifer and was completely frozen when the biggest man he had ever seen stepped into his view. Suddenly he understood why Lucifer was shaking and had drawn his sword and he wished himself back into his bed, far far away from this ship and everyone on it.

The man was frightening, there was no other word for it. Huge and massive, his face half hidden by a long, black beard and the rest of it covered in scars. Sam felt weak and small just looking at him and even held his breath when his eyes suddenly narrowed and Lucifer stiffened a bit.

“Aye, look at this scallywag over here!” the captain bellowed, to which Lucifer used his arm to push Sam behind him again. “What are we gonna do with you?”

“I'm sorry, Captain, but I'm not gonna give you this one,” Lucifer’s voice would have scared anyone else, but his Captain didn't even blink. Instead his eyes moved down to the blond’s weapon and he let out a huff.

“You, Lucifer?” he asked dark and looked back up. “My first mate, about to feed the fish. You disappoint me. I expected treason from anyone else but you.”

“If you want him, you'll have to get through me first,” Lucifer said with a stern look on his face.

“Tell me, what made you throw your life away for a stranger? Did I not give you all you wanted?”

“You did, but I can't allow you to harm him. Sam didn't know what he got himself into and he's not here because of you either.”

“Shiver me timbers!” the captain suddenly laughed, a sound so deep and loud it shook Sam to the core. “Our devil found himself a mate, aye?”

“Excuse me?” Lucifer asked, now just utterly confused. He even lowered his weapon a little and stared at his captain.

“Come here boy, let me see the one that tamed this old dog!”

Sam couldn't even move an inch when the captain spread his arms, nor did he feel the need to. This had to be a trick, no way this bull of a pirate suddenly acted friendly.

“Aye, a shy one? Lucifer, you're full of surprises! Sneaking someone on my ship and risking your life for him, that's what I call courage!”

“He didn't sneak me on here,” Sam suddenly heard himself say, making Lucifer spin around and stare at him. He gave the blond a quick glance before he finally found the strength to move and step forward. “I did it myself.”

“And you thought it was a good idea to sneak on  _ my _ ship?”

“I didn't know whose ship it was…” Sam mumbled and looked down at his feet. He felt pretty dumb, even more when the captain laughed again.

Suddenly, Sam heard Lucifer gasp and the next second he was ripped forward and yelped. The captain had grabbed his shoulder and held him while Lucifer looked like he was ready to storm forward and attack any moment.

“Didn't know whose ship, that's great! Lucifer, I thought you're proud to be part of my crew! I'm very disappointed!”

“Aye, as if I would scare him to death by telling him I'm Blackbeard’s right hand!” Lucifer huffed, which made the captain laugh even more. Sam was shook from still being held and all he could do was look at Lucifer completely dumbfounded.

“That's my boy!” the captain said and slapped Sam's shoulder hard. “Guess we got ourselves a new pirate here, aye?”

“W-what?” Sam gasped and stared up.

“A friend of Lucifer is a friend of mine,” the captain said and raised an arm. “All hands hoay!” he shouted so loud it rang in Sam's ears and then, finally, let go of his shoulder.

Sam scurried back to Lucifer and immediately hid in his arms. He was shaking and confused and it seemed that Lucifer didn't seem to be able to do anything either. The two just stood there and watched how the whole crew stormed the deck, pressed together as if those were there last moments on earth. When the hurried steps finally stopped the captain spoke again after stepping in front of Sam and Lucifer.

“Mates, we got ourselves a new crew member today!” he announced, already earning curious looks at the two behind him, and smiled brightly. “You’ll all treat him with respect, understood?”

“Aye, captain!” the whole crew answered as one.

“And keep your hands to yourself, this one’s mine, are we clear?” Lucifer shouted just as loud as his captain, who turned around and grinned even wider now.

“Aye!”

“Alright, you bilge rats! Let’s get our lady to Tortuga, aye? We have to celebrate!”

The whole deck burst out into cheering at this and everyone began running back under deck or somewhere else to set the sails. The only one who stayed was the captain, who braced his hips and kept an eye on the two.

“Lucifer, you go show our new mate your cabin, I doubt he wants to sleep with the rest of the crew,” he said and winked at Sam, who blushed slightly at the implication. “Don’t forget you still got a job here tho, aye? If I catch you slipping, we might have to get rid of him again.”

“Aye, captain!” Lucifer saluted and grabbed Sam’s arm to guide him away. The boy was still confused and as soon as they were inside the ship stopped walking and turned around.

“Lucifer… what just happened?”

“You’re a lucky son of a bitch, that’s what happened,” Lucifer laughed and grabbed Sam by the face to press a rough kiss on his lips. “You just became part of the most dangerous pirate crew in the seven seas.”

“So, I can stay? He won’t kill me?”

“Not if you don’t give him a reason to,” Lucifer smiled and wrapped his arms around Sam’s chest again. “I swear, I wanna be so mad at you for doing something so incredibly stupid, but I’m glad you did it.”

“Me too,” Sam smiled and held onto Lucifer’s arms. He rested his head against the blond’s shoulder, closing his eyes and finally allowing himself to calm down and breathe again properly. 

Looked like he was a pirate now, what were the odds for that?


	2. Sequel: A Pirate's Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam was gone for three years before standing on Bobby's doorstep again one night, alone and shattered. The unspeakable had happened and it left the once so cheerful boy broken and completely destroyed. Losing the man he loved was more than Sam could bear and he just can't seem to move on. One day a surprising visitor comes for Sam though and there is a little hope again. He doesn't know that things will get so much worse from there...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not beta-read or edited, please excuse this for now. I hope you still enjoy the angst ^^

It was way past midnight and the bar was already rather empty, but Sam didn’t notice any of that, nor the laughter coming from one of the upper rooms for that matter. He slouched on one of the bar stools, a beer in his hand and staring into the distance. By now everyone was used to seeing him like this and that he rarely spoke with anyone anymore, so they stopped trying to make him. Everyone except for Bobby, of course. Even after several months of Sam drowning the days and nights in alcohol and then falling comatose on his bed until noon, Bobby had not given up on the boy yet.

When Sam stood in front of his door in the middle of the night five months ago, drenched from the rain and with tears streaming down his face, Bobby didn’t hesitate to give him shelter. It took Sam three months before he even talked about what had happened - the shock and trauma still too fresh to put into words - and even then he only told him what he could stomach. All of this had shattered him and he still didn’t get better. His life consisted of drinking and sleeping and eating what Bobby forced him to eat so he wouldn’t starve to death. Anything else was a painful memory.

Sadly, as much as he tried to black out when the bar closed, the nightmares that tortured him never vanished. Every night Sam relived the moment that destroyed his existence and dreams, waking up with a scream stuck in his throat and sweat covering his body. The nightmare never ended, not even when he was awake, and more than once he had thought about just ending it altogether to escape it. Seeing Lucifer drown night after night, sacrificing his own life so Sam could live… how could he not wish to die? It was impossible to even explain the pain and grief he felt. 

Of course Bobby had tried countless of times to get Sam to open up, as much as Meg - she was the only one of the girls that even talked to him at this point, the others were completely creeped out by him - but he just couldn’t bring himself to talk about it. Even thinking about Lucifer made him hear his voice so clear as if he stood behind him; it was simply impossible, no matter how hard he tried. So, Sam decided to just don’t talk at all and, if he had to, spend the rest of his life trying to forget. Not Lucifer, he could never forget the man that he had loved more than anything else, even himself, but he could at least try to erase the memories about how it all ended. By now, Sam had no hope left that he would ever not feel this devastated again, so he might as well just fall down the stairs drunk one night and have it over.

That night, after the girls went to bed - with the last customers or not, Sam didn’t care - Bobby wiped off the bar and eventually stopped when he walked up to Sam.

“Boy, how long do you wanna do this to yourself?” Bobby asked with the stern voice Sam knew meant trouble and sighed. “You’ll kill yourself one day.”

“Good,” Sam scoffed and emptied the mug in his hand with a huge gulp. “I don’t care anymore. Anything is better than this.”

“I know how it feels to lose a loved one,” Bobby sighed and got himself a beer too. He debated for a moment, then poured another for the brunet and shoved it over to him. “You think you can never be happy again, but it’s gonna get better.”

“Don’t, Bobby,” Sam said and shook his head before putting the new beer to his lips, his hands shaking slightly because he was more than a little tipsy already. “This is different and you know it.”

“Sure it is,” Bobby huffed, walking around the bar to sit down next to Sam. “But you gotta move on, boy. He’d want you to.”

“Would he, yeah?” Sam huffed and turned his head. His eyes were already red from the tears he was holding back for the last hours and his bottom lip was trembling. “He’s dead, Bobby! I’ll never know what he would have wanted, okay?”

“You’re angry, I know. And you feel hopeless and hurt. But that won’t bring him back. After Karen’s death I felt the same, but I moved on.”

“Good for you, but I can’t. He died to save me, you don’t know how that is… it’s like I killed him myself.” The tears finally broke out of Sam’s eyes, but this time he didn’t even try to stop them. “I should have died, or at least died with him… and I just watched him disappear…”

“You said it yourself, boy. He saved you, he wanted you to live.”

“That’s no life, Bobby,” Sam sniffed and rubbed his eyes angrily. “It’s hell… I keep seeing what happened, I still hear him… I can’t stand this, I just can’t.”

“I can’t tell you what to do, but I can give you an advice my old man gave me before he left. Never hold onto a past that is killing you. Regret will be your end when you do.”

“Is that what he did? Not hold onto you?”

“You bet your ass he didn’t. He was a bastard who rather left his family to starve than take responsibility. But that doesn’t make his advice a bad one in general. This is killing you, boy. You have to let it go. I know you love him and I won’t tell you to stop, but if you kill yourself like this his death was useless. Honor him by living your life.” Bobby laid a hand on Sam’s shoulder and squeezed it, to which the brunet looked at him sadly. “Live your life and keep him in your heart.”

“And if I can’t do it?” Sam asked with tears rolling down his cheeks, clutching the mug between his hands. “What if I’m not strong enough?”

“You are, boy,” Bobby smiled reassuringly. “You had the balls to backtalk to me, you had the balls to leave your home for an adventure. And you’re strong enough to keep going, too. You are scared, I know. I was too when I was suddenly alone. But you are strong willed and determined, you proved that in the past. You can get out of this.”

“Thanks, Bobby,” Sam sniffed weakly. He emptied his beer, not because he wanted it but because his throat suddenly felt very tight and dry, and took a deep breath. “I’ll try, even if I don’t know if I can do it.”

“You’re not alone, don’t forget that,” Bobby reminded him seriously. “I didn’t take you in twice to let you down now.”

“I didn’t think you’d take me back in, really,” Sam suddenly laughed out and shook his head. “I literally ran away for a pirate and left you alone here.”

“Boy, I survived before you were here too, I’m not a helpless baby.”

“I know, but still,” Sam smirked. “I acted childish and dumb, but you were still there when I needed you and didn’t know where else to go.”

“Of course, boy. You’re the closest to a son I ever had and I’d be a pretty lousy father to turn you away.”

“I guess you were a better father than my old man no matter what you would’ve done. I hope he choked on a chicken bone somewhere.”

“Probably got shot after pissing off the wrong people,” Bobby scoffed, making Sam chuckle behind his hand. “That idiot never knew when to shut his mouth.”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Sam smiled. “I think I’ll go to bed now. Thanks, Bobby, really. I guess I needed someone to wash my head like that.”

“Just say it, I’ve got more of that if you need it.”

Sam chuckled, but nodded in agreement. He didn’t know if he could move on like Bobby told him to or not, but he hoped he could. Somehow at least. His biggest fear was that he’d realize he couldn’t live without Lucifer, even if he tried. With him, Sam had felt like himself for the first time in his life. He was happy and cheerful, but now? All of this felt like it had happened twenty years ago. He couldn’t even remember what actual happiness felt like. If only Lucifer wouldn’t have saved him… this way they would both be dead, but they would be together at least.

When he let himself fall into bed that night, he felt more lost than ever before. Wanting to move on was one thing, but the realization that he would have to let go of Lucifer in order to do it opened a dark hole in his chest that seemed to grow bigger and bigger every moment. As embarrassing as it was, Sam cried himself to sleep that night once more. This time, however, he cried about the future, not the past. 

A future in which Lucifer didn’t exist anymore, a future in which he would never see his smile again or his eyes or hear his laugh. And, worse than all of this, a world in which he would never feel Lucifer’s gentle touch again - no more tender kisses, no more embraces that made him feel safe, no more purred ‘I love you, kiddo’s for the rest of his life. A world without Lucifer was a world without love for Sam, no matter how he would approach it. Because without Lucifer, there was no one left in this world that could ever touch his heart and even his soul like he did. He wanted to move on, if only to honor his other half like Bobby said, but he had to accept that he would be lonely while doing it. Sam knew he could never love someone the way he loved Lucifer. Their connection had been sacred, nothing else would ever be again.

\-----

Over the next weeks, Sam tried his hardest to follow Bobby’s advice, as much as it hurt. He took back his position behind the bar, if only to limit his excessive drinking and have some distraction, and at night they often talked for hours. It was difficult to talk about what had happened, but it also helped Sam a little to process everything. There were way too many tears and way too much anger, but in the end, Sam realized that Bobby was right. Trying to forget what happened or drown it in alcohol only made things worse in the end. He still loved Lucifer with all his heart, but he knew that he had to let go of his guilt or he would never get out of the hell that his life was at the moment.

Working again was helpful, because it forced Sam to communicate with others and took his mind away from his mourning, if only for a while. At night, things were still horrible and his nightmares kept him awake or jerking up, but during the day it was bearable at least. Sam also began talking with Meg again more often and actually started to look forward to her breaks. Because of her job and because she was just someone who managed to get information, talking with Meg was always a bag of surprise. She knew people from all over the world and Sam even found out that she had left the bar for two years while he was away, in which she had married and lost her husband and newborn baby when a burglar broke into their home. Bobby had taken her back in without hesitation, just as Sam would have expected him to.

Sam didn’t actually feel much better overall, but having a routine that didn’t involve getting up at noon and drinking until midnight, he was able to function again at least. The days went by, he turned guys down that tried to flirt with him and limited his drinking to two or three beers with Bobby after the bar closed, and every day things went a little smoother than the day before. Sam didn’t forget Lucifer, nor did he feel any less for him, but by filling his time with things that didn’t leave him the opportunity to think too much, it was easier to get through them. At night the loneliness always got bad though and Sam missed Lucifer’s arms around him more than he liked to admit. It took long before he finally fell asleep and most of the time he did so with a heavy heart and stinging eyes, wishing that he could get his lover back, even if he knew it was impossible.

Over seven months after Sam came back to Bobby, things suddenly took a very unexpected turn. Bobby had left Sam in charge of the bar for a few hours to go to the harbor - a trader ship had arrived in the early morning and he wanted to stock up on goods for the next weeks - and Sam took the older man’s trust to heart. He didn’t want to disappoint him, so he made sure to clean up the bar perfectly before it would open in the late afternoon. Just as he was finishing up behind the counter and was rearranging the bar stools, the door burst open and someone shouted through the room.

“SAMMY!”

Sam’s head flew up but he had no time to recognize the man running towards him and eventually wrapped his arms around him tightly, actually lifting him up. He gasped and tried to fight the stranger, only to realize that his grip was too firm to loosen it. Eventually, when he was about to protest loudly and annoyed, the man let him go and stepped back to look at him. Sam’s jaw dropped audibly.

“DEAN?”

“Long time no see, little brother!” 

Dean grinned from ear to ear, bracing his hips and eyeing his brother from head to toe. Sam was shocked, mildly spoken. He had not seen Dean in years and if it wasn’t for his bright green eyes he would not have recognized him. His brother was much taller than he remembered him, even if Sam had outgrown him while they were separated, and his skin was tanned more than his own due to his long time on the ship. What made the most difference, however, was that he had actually grown his hair out and had put on quite a bit of muscle weight, which made the once extremely slender and almost fragile brother he remembered look like he could take him down in a heartbeat. No wonder he had managed to lift Sam up.

“Met a guy in the harbor that told me you were here, I guess he recognized my name,” Dean continued before Sam could say something and grabbed his brother’s shoulders. “Damn, it’s been so long! You have grown into a man, Sammy. I’m impressed!”

Sam had to sit down on one of the stools he had just rearranged because his knees became weak. He never thought he’d see Dean again and now he just walked into the bar like it was the most natural thing. He was dumbfounded.

“Lost your voice?” Dean cocked and nudged Sam’s shoulder. This brotherly teasing finally broke the younger one out of his shock.

“I can’t believe it,” Sam huffed weakly, but managed to crack a slight smile. “My big brother comes for a visit, that’s quite a shock.”

“I didn’t know you were still here, Sam,” Dean said, a little embarrassed. “I thought you left Nassau years ago.”

“I did, but…” Sam swallowed the lump in his throat and looked away. “I came back.”

“Bad luck with a girl?”

“I wish,” Sam sighed. He really didn’t want to ruin Dean’s probably short stay with the story of his loss, so he decided to not say anything and instead focus on his visit. “Anyway, what brings you here? You want a beer? We won’t open for another hour, so we have time and Bobby won’t mind for sure.”

“That was Bobby?” Dean suddenly gasped, spinning around and staring at the door. “Damn, he sure got old! Last time I saw him he didn’t look so gray!”

“Well,” Sam chuckled and walked behind the bar to get their beers. “Last time you saw him you were half your current size and running away from dad, so.”

“Yeah, right,” Dean grinned and looked back at Sam. “Good old times. Man, it’s great to see you!”

“Great to see you too, Dean,” Sam smiled and pushed a beer over to his brother before sitting down next to him again. “I didn’t think you’d ever come back. Didn’t even think you were alive anymore, to be honest.”

“Takes more than a few years on a ship to kill me, Sammy,” Dean laughed and drank from his beer. “You should know that.”

“Apparently,” Sam huffed. “Tell me, how’s life as a trader?”

Sam didn’t want to think about being back on a ship - ever since Lucifer had died he was unable to even set foot on one, let alone actually being trapped on it while being on the open sea, but he wanted to hear Dean talk. He had assumed him dead by now, seeing his brother alive and well and happy was a pleasant surprise and he wanted to enjoy it as much as he could. Even if Dean wouldn’t stay, he got to see his brother again. How could he not want it to last?

Dean talked a lot over the next hour, telling Sam all kinds of crazy and funny things he had experienced. Apparently, Dean had started out just cleaning the deck, but his captain - a very big and successful trader - quickly found out about his talent for haggling with people and Dean climbed up the ladder to his second in command within only a year. Sam was really proud of Dean for working as hard as he said and fulfilling his dream of going to sea and actually enjoying it. After a while, Dean asked about Sam’s life though, and his mood dropped significantly.

“I don’t know if I wanna talk about it, Dean,” he mumbled and looked into his mug. “I’m just starting to move on and it wasn’t really a good time, you know… well, it was, but it ended pretty badly.”

“You know you can talk to me, right?” Dean said, surprisingly serious, and Sam looked at him. “I know I’ve been gone for a long time, but you’re still my little brother.”

“I know, but you’d be disappointed. Just drop it.”

“Why would I be disappointed?” Dean asked and raised a brow. “Sam, please. Nothing you did could be worse than me running away and leaving you behind. I’m still sorry for that, more than you know.”

“Yeah that was pretty shitty.” Sam forced himself to smirk. “But I doubt having a pirate as a brother is something to be proud of.”

“You are a  _ pirate _ ?” Dean asked, with his eyes widening slightly.

“I was,” Sam corrected him with a sigh. “Been for three years before… yeah. Before I came back.”

“What happened?” Dean looked sincerely concerned, which surprised Sam, given the news he had just received. “Got tired of it?”

“You’re not angry at me?” Sam wanted to know, almost shocked. “I just told you I became a pirate!”

“So what?” Dean laughed. “You never followed the rules, Sammy. I’d be surprised if you didn’t do something crazy and reckless.”

Sam took a moment to stomach this information, but he couldn’t suppress the relief he started feeling. He had expected Dean to be angry or disappointed, or at least very displeased, so this was a surprise that took awhile to get on terms with. Eventually, he emptied his mug and shook his head with a quiet laugh.

“Yeah, it was reckless,” he said sadly. “I met this guy and followed him on his ship, turned out he was part of a pretty big pirate crew. I stayed with him and it was really great for three years, before it ended.”

“Did you get attacked?” Dean asked curious. “Did they kick you out?”

“No, nothing like that,” Sam shook his head slowly. “We got into a storm one night, about seven months ago. It wasn’t the first one, but this one was extreme and Lucifer insisted to help me pull up the sails so we wouldn’t be thrown around like a nutshell. It was a nightmare, Dean. Everyone was yelling, the crew ran around like headless chickens trying to secure the ship somehow and the weather only got worse every minute. We were almost done with the last sail when one of the ropes slipped out of my hand. I tried to hold onto it so much that it burned my hands, but the wind had gotten a hold of the sail and I had no chance. Lucifer eventually managed to grab the rope and we pulled the sail up together.”

Sam needed a moment to collect himself. This was the first time he talked about everything in so much detail and it felt like he was going through it all again.

“I didn’t pay attention. I was so relieved that we managed to secure the ship that I didn’t pay attention to what everyone else did. One of the crewmembers had left a rope on deck and I slipped on it. A huge wave hit the ship at the same time and I lost balance, I would have gone over board if Lucifer wouldn’t have grabbed my arm and pulled me back. The next thing happened so fast that I couldn’t do anything…”

“Sam?” Dean’s voice was extremely worried now, but Sam shook his head. He knew he could only say what came next once, if Dean stopped him now he would never get it out.

“I wanted to get to him, thank him for saving me, and then it happened. We both heard a noise - I didn’t know what it was but Lucifer realized it - and his head spun around. The next second I was pushed back by his hands and the spanker hit the side of his head with a disgusting thud. I watched him fall over the rail and I ran up to it immediately, but he was gone. All I saw was the waves crashing against the ship and no sign of Lucifer anywhere. He… he knew what would happen. He knew it and he pushed me away instead of saving himself because he knew he couldn’t do both…”

“Damn,” Dean hissed through his teeth. “That’s harsh… we lost crewmembers during storms too, that’s never easy to deal with.”

“No, you don’t understand,” Sam’s voice was thick and heavy, even worse than before. “He wasn’t just a crewmember, he was my… he was  _ mine _ , Dean.”

“ _Oh_.”

The way Dean said this one little word was enough to show Sam that he understood. He didn’t have to tell him that Lucifer was his lover, it was as clear as could be and Sam didn’t need to explain why this incident had caused his destruction. For a few moments they both just sat there, with silent tears running down Sam’s cheeks and Dean looking at him, before the older one pulled his brother into his arms and it all burst out. Sam had cried before in front of Bobby, but this wasn’t crying. He was breaking down, crying his heart out and sobbing uncontrollably while holding onto his brother that he had believed to be gone forever. Sam hated showing weakness or crying in front of others, especially in front of Dean because he had always feared he would call him a baby, but right now there was no way to stop it. And luckily, Dean just did what any good big brother would do and held him as he let it all out.

For over ten minutes Sam let the memories and grief overwhelm him, the suddenly crushing intensity more than he expected. Sam didn’t think he would ever tell anyone about this horrible night, so the effect the memories had on him when he finally did was just too much. He was incredibly thankful that Dean didn’t judge him - instead, he comforted him the best he could. When the tears finally stopped and Sam managed to calm down a little, he felt horrible, but also kind of relieved. A breakdown like this had been overdue and he knew it. With his face burning and his chest still heaving, Sam rubbed his eyes dry and pulled back from Dean’s embrace.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” he mumbled ashamed, without looking at his brother directly. “I’m a horrible excuse for a pirate, I know.”

“Jerk,” Dean smiled and ruffled his brother’s long hair. “You think I don’t get it? You lost someone important in a dumb accident, why would you apologize for crying about that?”

“He wasn’t just important,” Sam said and bit his lip. “He was my other half, Dean. I wish I would have jumped after him or that this thing hit me… anything but watching him fall and being unable to reach him…”

“You actually loved this guy, didn’t you?” Dean frowned and Sam slowly nodded.

“I know what you think, but I really did,” he said quietly. “I begged the Captain to search for him, we spent over a week doing it, but there was no way to tell where exactly he went overboard. The storm had left everyone exhausted and eventually he told me that there’s nothing we could do. I flipped and attacked him.”

“You attacked your Captain?” Dean asked and sounded actually surprised and impressed. “Damn.”

“He was his right hand!” Sam defended himself angrily. “He could have been alive somewhere, waiting for us to save him! And he just ordered the crew to return to the shore.”

“Did he kick you out?”

“No, I left,” Sam sighed. “He tried to reason with me, but I couldn’t stay on the ship any longer… it all felt unreal and it made me sick. He said I could come back if I ever wanted to, but what for? Lucifer is dead, there’s nothing left for me there…”

“I’m so sorry, Sam,” Dean said and laid a hand on his brother’s arm. “That’s horrible and I don’t know what to say to make you feel better.”

“It’s alright,” Sam smiled sadly and squeezed Sam’s hand. “I try to get over it, but it’s not easy. Bobby helped me, if he wouldn’t have taken me in again I’d probably be dead by now already. He’s a great guy, really.”

“Yeah, the grumpy old grandpa type of great, am I right?” Dean laughed and Sam couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at this very fitting summary.

“Maybe, but he’s a good guy. A few months ago the crew came by to ask me to join them again, but I told them I couldn’t. Had a long talk with the Captain and he told me that he regretted what happened, but that wasn’t really any condolence. I wish I could go back, but it hurts just to think about it. He gave me something Lucifer had left in our quarters.” Sam reached into his shirt and pulled out a necklace to show Dean. It was a big silver snake pendant with green emeralds. Sam’s eyes spoke more than words ever could. “They called him a snake jokingly because he had the talent to wrap everyone around his little finger. I wore it ever since.”

“Sam…”

“The Captain wanted to give him his own ship, you know?” Sam said with the saddest smile on his face. “He wanted to call it ‘Pandemonium’, because he was just like that. He wanted us to sail under the Captain’s flag and defend his honor and show the world who is the one and only king of pirates... this isn’t what he deserved, Dean… we had so many plans, so many dreams. Without him it all feels so meaningless…”

“He sounds like he was a great guy,” Dean smiled awkwardly. “It’s really not fair.”

“I’m sorry,” Sam sighed after a moment, shaking his head slowly. “I keep talking about this and it changes nothing.” He hid the necklace under his shirt again and covered it with his hand for a second. “You’re not here for me to drag you down.”

“You are not dragging me down, Sam, I just wish I could do something to help you.”

“Let’s just do something else, okay? How long will you be here? We could take a walk and dwell in some childhood memories.”

“Sounds awesome,” Dean laughed, even though they both knew it wasn’t. “We’ll leave tomorrow morning, so I’ve got a bit of time on my hands.”

Sam smiled at that, but despite his efforts to make it look convincible, he knew Dean realized it was fake. Luckily, he didn’t say anything and pretended that it was sincere. This walk down memory lane had drained Sam and he just wanted to get some fresh air and stretch his legs for a while. They only waited until Bobby came back, which was after a few minutes already, and then quickly helped him store away the things he bought before leaving the bar for a stroll through Nassau.

\-----

Despite the fact that basically the whole town was a different one than when Dean had left, the brothers found quite a few familiar faces and buildings. They met one of Dean’s old childhood friends, a guy named Crowley - Sam never liked him because he used to tease him all the time - and had a rather pleasant chat with him and even found the house they used to live in before their dad lost it to someone during a game of cards. Of course Sam knew where it was, he still lived here after all, but Dean had almost forgotten about it and was stunned when he saw that it had burned to the ground and was never rebuilt. Sam didn’t mind, the house had always been in a horrible state anyways.

When they came back to the bar in the early evening, everyone was very excited to meet Dean - especially Ruby and Jo, who Sam knew always had a crush on him - which allowed Sam to talk to Bobby for a little bit as they occupied him. The bar owner didn’t show any sign of happiness or anger over the situation, but Sam was used to his resting grumpy face.

“Having a good time with your brother, boy?” Bobby asked and gave Sam a beer, who smiled in return.

“He’s still a handful, but I’m happy to spend some time with him,” Sam answered and looked over his shoulder. Jo was shamelessly hitting on Dean and if Sam was not a completely mistaken, someone would have a lot of fun tonight. “I had no idea he was even alive, Bobby. Thanks for sending him my way.”

“No need to thank me,” Bobby huffed amused. “Someone yelled his name and I saw him running by. Think I’d forget that face? You don’t know half the trouble this boy caused me in the past.”

“He wasn’t really an easy kid, that’s true,” Sam laughed. “But he was pretty cool. Bobby… I thought about something, something serious.”

“You wanna leave with him, right?” Bobby asked with a knowing smile, surprising Sam once more with just how easy he was to read.

“Yeah, I thought about it… I mean, I don’t wanna leave you hanging again but… he’s my brother.”

“Of course,” Bobby nodded.

“I don’t know if I’ll stay or not, but I don’t wanna let him go again, you know? It doesn’t feel right. If something happens and I’ll never see him again…”

“Boy, it’s alright. You don’t have to justify your decision to me, if you want to go with him you can do it.”

“You won’t be mad?” Sam asked surprised and Bobby shook his head.

“Not for that, I fully get it. As long as you take care of yourself and visit sometime.”

“I don’t wanna leave you, Bobby, really, but I can’t really move on here. Everything reminds me of him, from this bar to my room and even the pirates coming here. If I want to get over it, I have to leave.”

“I expected you to say that, you just had to find the right moment. I left my old life too, I understand.”

“Do you think I’ll be able to do the same you did? Move on, I mean?”

Bobby smiled and reached into the pocket of his pants, pulling out a small, round locket. He handed it to Sam, who curiously opened it. Inside was a small lock of blonde hair and a golden ring. He looked up at Bobby, slightly confused.

“We never really move on, boy. The ones we lose will stay with us if we truly love them, but we can still move past the pain. I never stopped loving my wife, not even for a single day, but I lived my life without her. If you stay strong, you can do the same.”

“I’ll try,” Sam said and gave the locket back to Bobby. “And I’ll visit whenever I can, I promise.”

Sam’s decision was made, even before he talked about it with Dean. He knew his brother wouldn’t say no to his idea and when he eventually brought it up during the evening, Dean was more than happy. He left the bar right away - already pretty drunk - to ask his Captain if Sam could join them, not allowing his brother to even backtalk because he was determined to get a yes now, not tomorrow. To Sam’s surprise, Dean returned an hour later with a man by his side and a huge grin on his face.

“Welcome on board, Sammy!” Dean exclaimed and threw up his arms. “Hey everyone! Your next drink is on me! Tonight we celebrate that my little brother and I are back together!”

Sam chuckled when the whole bar broke out into cheering and Dean walked over to him with a look of utter pride on his face. He ordered three beer and three rum for all of them, before plopping down on the stool next to him.

“The Captain was excited,” Dean told Sam and signaled the other man to sit down too. “Sam, this is Michael. He’s the Captain’s first mate and wanted to see you.”

“Nice to meet you,” Sam said and took the hand Michael offered. The other - a tall man with black hair and very stinging eyes that were a mixture of green and brown and a sharp face - nodded at him and shook his hand firmly.

“Likewise,” he said seriously. “Dean speaks very highly of you, so our Captain sent me to make sure you will be a good addition to our crew.”

“I hope so,” Sam smiled a bit awkwardly. This guy was very formal, which was a huge contrast to Dean’s cheerful behavior and excitement. Sam felt like he was in a job interview. “I’ve worked on a ship for three years before leaving, so I’m sure I can be of some use.”

“Dean informed me about that, yes,” Michael said and nodded. He carefully took the mug of him, sniffed at the content and took a sip. He nodded approvingly, then let another follow before returning his focus to Sam. “Is there a specific reason why you want to join our crew?”

“I’d like to stay with my brother,” Sam admitted outright. “I haven’t seen him for almost six years and I don’t want to lose him again for six more.”

“Well, as long as you don’t mind scrubbing the deck for a while, I don’t see why you shouldn’t join our crew. Welcome aboard, Sam.”

“Hooray!” Dean cheered and pulled Sam into a tight hug from behind. “My little brother will join us!”

Sam smiled, but he didn’t quite share Dean’s euphoria yet. He was relieved of course, there was no doubt about that, but it was a change that he would have to get used to first. Bobby gave him a reassuring smile when he looked at him and this time he smiled back a little more convinced. He would miss Bobby and Meg, that he knew already. Of course he was no child anymore, but Bobby had been an anchor for him over the last weeks and it was hard to leave. Still, the thought of losing Dean too was something he couldn’t take. He had to go with him.

\-----

It felt weird being on board of a ship again after such a long time. Sam’s hands were sweating and he was nervous, but more important was this feeling of something missing that he could not put into words. Of course he knew what it was, but he didn’t want to think about it when Dean guided him around and he met the crew. The Captain turned out to be rather young, maybe in his early thirties, and had a very warm and welcoming smile. He introduced himself as Castiel and Sam understood why Dean spoke so highly of him. Something about him was very friendly and took away his nervousness, he guessed that he had this effect on other people too. Sam didn’t feel at home - he doubted any ship without Lucifer could ever feel like a home again - but he definitely felt like he was wanted. He thought that would do.

The crew itself was very open and friendly too and even Michael, who had appeared very cold and strict when they first met, warmed up after a few days and showed his nice side. If Sam would have actually paid attention to it, he would have noticed that Michael was, in fact, a lot nicer to him than to others. Thoughts like that didn’t even cross Sam’s mind though, so he was simply glad that the others didn’t reject him or made him feel unwanted.

After two weeks of scrubbing the deck and helping out in the kitchen, Michael told Sam that they needed him in the crow’s nest. The current man up there had gotten sick and everyone else was occupied. Sam was glad about the change, especially since he used to do this quite often on Blackbeard’s ship and knew how to pay attention. It was a much less stressful position, at least for some time.

It was two weeks into Sam’s new position that he noticed the fog for the first time. He took a closer look at it, frowning and wondering where it came from so suddenly. A minute before this area had been free of anything, fog or not. Sam wasn’t concerned as they were sailing away from it, but it was strange. For a moment, Sam swore he could make out a ship in the distance, surrounded by the gray clouds, but when he wanted to take a closer look it was gone again. Sam squinted and searched the surrounding area for any sign of a ship, but apart from the fog he saw nothing.

The morning after this first incident, Sam thought that he had been imagining things. Surely he was sleep-deprived and just needed to get used to being up there and staring into the distance again for so long. He knew this job could get on one’s nerves - he had seen plenty of men leave the position because they couldn’t handle the sheer mass of nothing but water around them. Sam usually had the night shift in the nest, so it was even more likely that he had just suffered from a hallucination. Determined to not make a problem out of nothing, Sam joined the rest of the crew for breakfast before he’d head to bed and catch some sleep. Once more, Michael was very friendly towards him, something he barely registered due to his exhaustion. They talked briefly, about nothing in particular, and eventually, Sam excused himself to get some rest.

Much to Sam’s surprise, however, the nightly hallucination came back. Only two nights passed before Sam saw the ship again, longer this time. He was excited, as much as terrified, and tried to remember as much as he could about what he saw. The ship in the fog was huge, even bigger than the one he was on. Its sails were ragged and full of holes, but that didn’t lessen the chills it sent down Sam’s spine. Even the fog that surrounded the ship was strange, now that Sam got a longer look at it. It was way thicker than normal fog and seemed to move with the ship and there was no doubt that it was following them. Just when Sam decided to report what he saw to his Captain he looked away for a second, only to find the ship completely gone when he looked back.

Sam hated to admit it, but he felt watched. He didn’t mention the strange ship to anyone, not even Dean, but it was often on his mind. At night he would sometimes get a glimpse at it - too far away to be a threat, but still always there. As if it was waiting for something. During the day, even though he never saw anything then, Sam still couldn’t shake the feeling of someone watching him off. When it was really strong, he grabbed Lucifer’s necklace under his shirt and closed his eyes for a moment. The feeling didn’t go away completely, but it always lessened a little after that at least.

For over four weeks this went on, slowly eating on Sam’s nerves and making him feel nervous whenever he set foot on the deck or entered the crow’s nest. Not even when they stayed at a town for some business it vanished completely. Dean took him to a bar to have some drinks, but even there Sam was filled with the nagging feeling of someone watching him and waiting for the right moment. It was ridiculous, but there was no way to get rid of it.

Michael was a different thing that started to get complicated. For some reason Sam didn’t understand, the first mate had taken an interest in him. One that started to annoy Sam slowly. At first Sam didn’t mind - Michael was friendly and seemed genuinely nice - but he quickly realized that there was more behind it. He tried multiple times to signal him that he was not interested, but Michael didn’t seem to get the hint, no matter how obvious Sam made it. This wouldn’t have bothered Sam much since he was used to guys getting annoying and pushy, but they were in the same crew and it made things very hard to actually tell Michael off without causing problems for both of them.

Eventually, everything broke through. One night, when Sam was about to climb up to the crow’s nest, Michael once again approached him. The night was uncomfortable enough already - cold and windy and this time fog was everywhere, not just in the distance - and Sam’s mood was bad to begin with. It wasn’t even what Michael said, which was a rather nice ‘Hey Sam, how are you doing tonight?’, but more the fact that he just kept coming at him like this and this time, Sam lost it.

“Michael, please stop it already!” he burst out and spun around. “I’m tired of trying to tell you that I’m not interested, okay? You’re nice and all, but I don’t want to hang out with you all the time, please understand that.”

“I’m not,” Michael stopped and took a step back, staring at Sam rather bewildered. “I just wanted to ask how you are, nothing else.”

“Right, that’s why you keep coming at me every damn day.”

“I am trying to be nice to you, that’s all.”

“Good, fine,” Sam huffed and ran a hand through his hair. “But I'm not interested, okay? Not like that.”

“That's unfortunate,” Michael said slowly and Sam noticed a slight gleam in his eyes when he stepped closer again. “I wanted to do this the nice way, but you have to be stubborn, don't you?”

“What are you talking about?” Sam asked nervous and moved backwards, only to hit the rail after a few steps, preventing an escape. “Michael, stop this.”

“Do you think I'm being nice because I'm a good guy, Sam? Really?” Michael hissed and suddenly grabbed Sam's jaw brutally. Sam let out a shocked gasp.

“Michael… you're scaring me, stop this, please!”

“Scared, really?” Michael asked and his lips turned into a creepy grin. His other hand moved to Sam's hip, holding him in place. “If you’d just stop being a little brat you wouldn't have to be, you know.”

Sam wanted to fight, shake Michael off somehow, but the other was surprisingly strong and he had no chance to free himself. The air around them vibrated and a gust of wind hit the sails harshly.

“Just be a good little boy, it's not that hard.”

Before Sam had even the chance to protest, Michael crashed his lips against his and forced his tongue into Sam's mouth. The brunet ripped his eyes open and now, finally, found the strength to push him away. With a disgusted look on his face Sam wiped his mouth and stared at the other in utter shock.

“Are you insane?” Sam shouted, unable to believe what had just happened.

“Insane?” Michael shot back and stormed forward again, grabbing one of Sam's hands and twisting it painfully. “You little pirate whore call me insane? Did you call my abomination of a brother insane too when he fucked you, yes?”

Sam's eyes widened again, but this time it was sheer panic that took over his mind. He didn't even realize that the wind had gotten worse and that the water around them was roaring - he was too focused on Michael losing his mind to notice anything else around them.

“You can play innocent all you want, I know you're just a dirty little whore that thinks he's too good for me. But I've got news for you,  _ Sammy _ . You are not and I'll make sure you realize that.”

“Michael, please…” Sam cried out when the other twisted his hand even more, sending hot spikes of pain through his arm. “You’re hurting me!”

“Good.” 

Michael used Sam's helpless state to force him into another kiss, one he couldn't escape this time. No matter how much Sam resisted and fought, it was useless. The force Michael used and the pain in his arm made it impossible for Sam to do anything to stop him. He already thought this would never end when Michael finally pulled back and he could breathe again.

“We’ll have lots of fun tonight, Sammy,” Michael grinned and shoved a hand under Sam's shirt. The brunet's body tensed up at the hot and unpleasant touch. “You were too good for my brother anyway, but now that he's gone that doesn't matter anymore, right?”

“You bastard!” Sam growled in disgust. He had never felt so violated and terrified before, but the way Michael spoke about Lucifer brought up an anger so intense that it overshadowed his fear completely. “I hate you!”

“Oh, I know you do,” Michael grinned and moved his hand up even more. “But no matter if you hate me or not, I'll get what I want. I'm done playing nice, Sam. I don't need your consent.”

Michael's fingers brushed over the pendant of Sam's necklace and his lips jerked slightly. With one swift and harsh movement he grabbed the pendant and pulled, ripping it off Sam's neck.

“Give that back!” Sam yelled furiously, ignoring the pain and that Michael still held his wrist. He tried to reach the necklace with his other hand, but Michael kept it just out of his reach. There was no doubt that he enjoyed this greatly. Sam hated him more and more each second.

“If you behave, you might get it back,” Michael said sharply and let the necklace vanish in one of his pockets. “ _ Will _ you be a good boy and behave?”

Sam glared at Michael so absolutely filled rage and hate that it was a surprise the other’s head didn't explode. A harsh wind was blowing now, whirling his hair around and pulling on his clothes, but he was completely focused on Michael and barely noticed it. This asshole had cornered him and now wanted to force himself on Sam, whether he wanted it or not. He wished more than ever before that he would've died with Lucifer or that he would still be here.

“You are a disgusting and sick bastard,” Sam eventually snarled, to which Michael replied with a wide grin.

“Keep that hate going, Sam,” he said and leaned closer to the brunet. “I enjoy a challenge and it will be so much fun to break you.”

Again, Michael shoved a hand under Sam's shirt, this time scratching over his skin so harsh that he actually drew blood. Sam closed his eyes and turned his head, begging for this to be over or for Michael to just drop dead on the spot. The way his hands felt on him was just horrible, even worse when he imagined what else he would do soon. When Michael reached between Sam's legs he actually felt tears building up in his eyes.

“I can't wait to hear you scream,” Michael groaned next to Sam's ear, making the other shudder from the thought alone. “I bet you sound gorgeous when you beg me to stop.”

A huge wave hit the ship, splashing Sam's back with ice cold water and soaking his clothes. Michael let out an amused chuckle and tried to shove his hand into Sam's pants, when suddenly things took an unexpected turn.

Without a warning the wind intensified, howling so loud that Michael was actually startled and pulled back. He looked annoyed, but had no time before Sam took his chance - the only one he would probably get - and slammed his knee into his crotch. Michael let out a pain filled scream and sunk to his knees, holding his privates that Sam had just hit so surprisingly.

Sam knew he couldn't run away, at least not very far, so he choose to escape upwards. As fast as he could, hoping his blow paralyzed Michael for a while, he climbed up the mast to hide in the crow's nest. From there he could fight Michael off more effectively if he decided to come after him. He didn't manage to go far before his attention was back on Michael though, because the other suddenly screamed again. Only this time it was not a painful scream, but one filled with sheer horror.

Sam looked down and noticed two things at once: that the deck was covered with this thick fog that he kept seeing in the distance for weeks now and that Michael was staring at something inside the fog - a dark shadow-like figure that caused Sam's heart to skip a beat. He was so startled that he actually lost his grip on the mast and slid down until he hit the deck hard with his back. There was no time to pay attention to the pain though. Michael screamed again and Sam watched with wide eyes how the shadow moved towards him.

“Oh God, please! Please don't, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!” 

Michael was sobbing and begging, something Sam didn't think was possible. None of that seemed to have any effect on the shadow though. It reached out for Michael and grabbed him by the throat - not with hands, but with what looked like thick ropes wrapping around the man.

“I didn't mean it, please don't do this!” Michael kept crying, now completely desperate and panicking. “Please don't!”

Sam held his breath at what followed next. The fog solidified around the shadow and Michael, swallowing them completely for a moment and muffling the horrified scream coming from the man. Then, suddenly, the fog vanished and just like that, Michael was gone. For a moment, Sam just stared at the spot where Michael had been before, his heart beating so fast that he could barely breathe. The scream still echoed in his head, but apart from that everything was completely silent. Even the water had calmed down and the wind was barely there anymore.

Eventually, driven by his curiosity and shock, Sam dragged himself up and tumbled over to the spot. It wasn't quite empty, but there was no sign of Michael anywhere. All that was left of him was something that drove tears into Sam's eyes. He knelt down and picked up the silver necklace, pressing it against his chest and crying silently.

It felt like hours that Sam just cowered there and clutched his last memento of Lucifer. He didn't even notice when he laid down on the wet planks and curled up. All of this was just too much and at one point, Sam simply closed his eyes and kept praying that he could vanish too so this nightmare would finally end. He did this for so long that he eventually fell asleep without realizing it.

\-----

Sam opened his eyes slowly, surprised by how comfortable he felt. He was confused when he noticed that he was laying in a bed, not on deck in the rain, but what concerned him was that the room he laid in looked completely unfamiliar. For a moment he thought he was still dreaming, that was the only explanation he could come up with. Then he sat up and put his feet on the ground and suddenly everything looked much more real than before.

The room was not big, but had a luxurious interior and on the table in front of him were different foods. As he looked around, Sam’s assumption of being on a ship intensified. The slight round shape of the wall to his left, the bulls eyes and the barely noticeable movement made it very clear. 

“Where the hell am I?” Sam asked himself and stood up carefully. He was very suspicious of this place, even if it didn't give him any reason to, apart from being unfamiliar. Slowly, Sam walked over to the table and inspected the food on it. In the middle of the table stood a bowl with bright red apples and next to it he saw bread and vegetables and even a plate with cooked meat that was still warm. These things couldn't be here for long, no way.

Outside, Sam suddenly heard a noise that caught his attention. Curious, he dropped the apple he held in his hand and walked to the door. He leaned his head against the wood, but there was no sound coming from the other side. Still, there had to be someone, so Sam ignored the creepiness of the situation and slowly opened the door.

One thing was clear, Sam was definitely on a ship and it wasn't his own. Everything was dark, much darker than any night he had experienced so far, but that wasn't the weird part. The deck looked old, very old, and when Sam looked up he felt his throat tighten. The sails were ragged and dark, exactly like the ones he had seen in the fog so many nights now. Fascinated and in awe, Sam took a few steps out of the cabin and stared at the starless and black sky above him.

“Well, shit,” he whispered.

“You are awake, finally.”

Sam jerked around at the voice coming from behind him, his pulse skyrocketing at the sudden shock rushing through his system. At first he couldn't see anyone or even anything really, but after a few seconds his eyes focused more and he noticed the dark figure standing in the shadows. It looked eerily familiar to the one that took care of Michael and Sam clutched his necklace to have something to hold onto.

“You don't have to be scared, I won't hurt you.” The voice was calm and dark, but in a way Sam had never heard before. It sounded almost thick and croaky, as if it wasn't used regularly. And yet… something about it let the fear Sam felt fade away slowly. 

“Who are you?” Sam asked, narrowing his eyes in hopes to make out who he was talking to. “Why am I here?”

“It doesn't matter who I am for now, but you were not safe on your ship. I brought you here so no one would harm you.”

“Did you… did you kill Michael?”

“Believe me, he will wish I did,” the voice answered and Sam swore that he heard satisfaction in it. “You can move freely on my ship, if you wish to leave you can do that, too, of course.’

“Will you show me your face?” Sam asked, his urge to see the other growing stronger every minute. His voice sounded so familiar now, it drove him mad to not know who he was. “Please, I need to know who you are.”

“I’m a friend, that's all you need to know for now.” This time, the voice was filled with sadness and it made Sam's stomach tighten to hear it. “I assume you know where you are by now, all I ask of you is to not try to escape on your own. Leaving this ship requires my permission, or else you will suffer horrible consequences. Do you understand?”

“Y-yes, of course,” Sam mumbled ashamed. “I won't try to leave, I promise.”

The figure nodded slowly and Sam felt a cold shiver run down his spine a moment later. He turned around to see if anyone was behind him - it surely felt like it - but no one was there. When he turned back around though, the figure was gone. Sam stood outside for a long time, trying desperately to find the face that belonged to the voice. Sadly, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't remember.

\-----

Sam was more than just a little confused after ‘meeting’ his mysterious savior, if he could even call him that. Still, despite the strange situation he was in and the dark and creepy ship, Sam wasn’t afraid. He knew he should be, of course, but something about this place seemed… peaceful? There was no way to pinpoint why he felt this way, but over the next days it became very clear. That first night, Sam quickly retreated to the cabin he woke up in, still unsure what he should think about what had happened and only stayed awake long enough to eat something, before going back to bed and sleeping till the early morning.

The ship had a lot of surprises for Sam and he actually spent the next few days exploring most of it and wondering more and more who could have saved him. One of the most confusing things was that it was always dark outside, no matter the time of the day. Sam’s inner clock was very disturbed by this and he quickly lost track of when he slept and when he was awake, but it didn’t seem to matter. But despite that, there were a few very interesting things he found.

The whole time Sam walked around on the ship, he never met another living soul. Apart from himself, it seemed that only his savior was there and he never found him either, even though he always had the feeling of him being there somewhere - lurking in the shadows and watching his every move. This was another thing Sam should have been concerned about, but never was. Sometimes he would get this very intense feeling of being watched and a smile would creep on his face. He never spoke to the man, but knowing he was there somewhere made him calm in a way. It was insane, yes, but he could not stop it.

In one of the empty cabins Sam found, he discovered what looked like a library of sorts, with shelf after shelf of books - anything from nautical literature to books about religion and death. He was hesitant to take one of them at first, but eventually picked up a few about monsters and legends that sparked his interest. The books were a good way to kill some time, especially after Sam had explored almost every inch of the ship. 

He never had to worry about food or water because whenever he woke up, the table in his room would be filled with fresh things for him to eat - which was weird, given that he never found a kitchen or even a crump of bread while he was snooping around. In fact, he didn’t have to worry about anything, because apart from the food he even found new clothes in his room every day, as well as hot water to wash himself. Whoever was doing all these things, he certainly made sure that he was not missing anything.

Still, there was something that Sam began missing after a week of being on the ship, all by himself: company. Sure, he had food and things to read and new clothes, but he felt utter lonely very soon and it even began to affect his mood. The feeling of hopelessness he had drowned in for months came back, but this time he didn’t even have Bobby to talk to or just random people he could listen to. Sam felt like a prisoner, even though he did not dread the place itself, just the loneliness that deprived him of his sleep or the comfort he had felt in the first days. So, eventually, he decided to find his savior and ask if he could leave. This place was the first that ever felt somehow like a home since Lucifer’s death, but all alone it was a broken one, no matter how hard he tried to deny it.

Sam thought about his wish to leave for a whole day, wondering if he would anger or offend the man that had saved him and if it was ungrateful of him to ask for this. He didn’t want to leave the ship, but he couldn’t live like this without losing his mind. Even if he had everything he needed, company was essential for the human soul to stay sane, or not? So when he finally summoned his courage and went to search for the other, he did so with a horrible guilt in his stomach.

He had not realized it before, but all the time during his strolls around the ship, Sam had avoided one specific cabin completely. Now it was clear that this was the place he had to go to and despite fearing the door might be locked - a strange thought since no other door on the ship had been - it opened right away when Sam gave it a try. A slight uneasiness mixed into his nervousness when he stepped into the big cabin and closed the door behind himself quietly.

The cabin seemed to be completely empty at first. Sure, there were all the things he had in his own cabin, like a bed and a table and such, but it felt cold somehow. Almost dead even. A single candle burned on a small desk at the far end of the room, which caught Sam’s attention. Carefully and almost sneaking, as if he could wake someone in the empty bed up if he made a sound, Sam walked over to it. He felt like a moth that was drawn to a flame, which kind of amused him a little.

There, right next to the candle, laid a small, oval box that blew all of Sam’s thoughts away the second he laid eyes on it. He picked it up slowly, fearing it would disappear the moment he touched it or turn into dust, but none of that happened. It was like time had slowed down, like everything else apart from this little box didn't exist anymore. His fingers brushed gently over the beautiful and detailed images of people and ships on the outside, trembling when he dared to unlock the box and open it. The tears that shot into his eyes at the sight of it were bitter, but what was even more painful was the quiet melody that filled the air now - haunting and bringing back memories so strong that they completely overwhelmed him.

How often had he listened to this beautiful and sad melody in the past, holding this unique gift from his lover in his hands and having his arms around him? Laying there, his head on Lucifer’s chest and listening to the steady beating of his heart, this melody surrounding them and sometimes, when it was very quiet, Lucifer’s voice above all of it, singing beautiful words and creating visions of a future they would never have in Sam’s mind? All the dreams they had, all the things they imagined together. How could he ever forget them?

This little box that Sam had thought was lost forever, along with the music he once loved so much - finding it here, so suddenly and surprisingly - it broke something in Sam’s heart. He sank to his knees in front of the desk, bittersweet tears rolling down his cheeks and falling on his hands holding the music box. The memories of Lucifer were so strong, so intense and vivid - he couldn’t hold them back, it was impossible. Sam felt like his heart would burst into a million pieces, shattering at the thought of what he lost so brutally. All it took was one melody, one quiet and sad piece of music, to finally break his heart.

“Have you come to ask me to leave?”

Sam was too deep into his grief and mourning to be startled when he heard the voice behind him. He could only turn his head around, holding onto the music box and sobbing quietly when a familiar figure took form in the shadows of a corner. At first, Sam was just devastated, but then a new thought began to break out of the darkness that had taken over his mind, a thought so painful and twisted that he could barely focus on it. And yet, somehow, it made perfect sense, didn’t it?

“I…” Sam’s voice died in his throat, almost as if he was suffocating.

“If you wish to leave, I will not hold you back,” the voice continued, quiet and sad and almost as broken as Sam felt right now.

“No, I…” Sam shook his head slowly, gripping the box in his hands tighter. As he did this, the melody stopped and his mind cleared enough to form actual words. “Please, I… I have to know if you are…  _ him _ …”

For a long time there was only silence, heavy and dooming, before Sam heard a sigh filled with what he assumed to be disappointment, even though he couldn’t be sure.

“Sam.”

It was all he needed for the truth to finally crash down on him. For years this one little word was the first thing he heard in the morning and the last thing he heard before falling asleep and he would never, not in a million years, forget the sound of it. Hearing it now, after so long and thinking he never would again, was like an ice cold hand grabbing his heart and crushing it mercilessly.

“Lucifer…” Sam sobbed through his tears, sad and relieved and desperate all at once. He couldn’t believe it, but at the same time it was all he wanted to believe.

“I am sorry, Sam,” Lucifer said quietly, each word like a knife in Sam’s heart. “I wish I could take this pain away from you, but I am not the one you used to know anymore.”

“I don’t care!” Sam burst out immediately, devastated by the other’s words. “Please… I thought you were dead… I… I thought I’d never see you again…”

“It’s better if you don’t, believe me,” Lucifer sighed. “Keep me in your memories the way you know me, it’s better this way.”

Sam was stunned. How could Lucifer say something like this? He was breaking down and crying and sobbing in front of him and he didn’t even want to show himself? More than everything else, this deeply hurt Sam.

“Lucifer, please,” he sniffed and tried to force himself to stop crying at least for now. “I don’t care about anything, I just want to see you and know this isn’t a dream I’ll wake up from in a minute. Please, Lucifer…”

“You will be scared of me, Sam. Don’t do this to yourself, I beg you.”

“I… I could never be scared of you,” Sam mumbled and looked down at the music box in his hands. The thought alone was depressing. “I begged and prayed that you would come back to me, night after night I wished you would be with me again… how could I be scared of you? I love you, Lucifer. And I miss you…”

“You love the Lucifer you know,” Lucifer said after a long pause. “You don’t love the monster I have become, you never could.”

Sam frowned and, finally, pulled himself up on his feet. His legs were trembling and his hands shaking, but he was determined to prove the other wrong. How could he say such a thing? Had he ever given him any reason to doubt his feelings?

“I would never see you as a monster,” Sam said, his voice heavy from the tears he fought back. “But if you think for even a moment that I don’t love you, no matter what, then you are one. Losing you was the worst thing in my life and nothing and no one could ever fill the hole in my life that you left. Throw me out, but don’t you ever doubt my love for you, Lucifer. Don’t you  _ dare _ !”

He was angry at Lucifer for saying such a thing and for calling himself a monster, but he was more angry at himself for saying such cruel things. All this anger melted away, however, when Lucifer’s figure suddenly moved and he stepped out of the shadows.

“Are you sure I am not a monster, Sam?”

Sam’s heart stopped for a moment when he saw Lucifer again for the first time - not out of fear, but out of complete shock and bewilderment. The man in front of him was no man, not even a bit. He was taller than Sam, almost huge even, and didn’t look like a human at all. Out of his sleeves came long, thick tentacles instead of hands and his face was covered in them too - like a beard that was moving on its own and making slick sounds that sent chills down Sam’s spine. Even his feet were like this, countless of big tentacles that moved over the floor constantly as he stood in front of Sam. His skin was a greenish yellow, covered in bumps and blisters and scars and even though a big hat covered his hair, Sam saw that it, too, was not hair anymore, but more tentacles. The only thing human about Lucifer’s appearance were his eyes and they were what made Sam’s heart ache - not the frightening and monstrous look, but those utterly sadness filled blue eyes that he had once fallen in love with.

He didn’t think when he stepped closer to Lucifer, to the man that he had given his heart to so long ago. The little music box fell out of his hand and made a metallic sound when it hit the planked floor, only moments later filling the room with its eerie and beautiful melody again as it sprung open.

“Lucifer…” Sam whispered, a hand reaching up and cupping Lucifer’s cheek gently. His skin felt wet and cold, as if something beneath it was moving even, but Sam didn’t care about that. It didn’t matter to him and he knew it never would. This was Lucifer, the man he loved, even if something horrible had turned him into this creature. Sam felt the new, hot tears in his eyes, but this time he didn’t pay attention to them. “My wonderful Morningstar…”

“Sam, don’t,” Lucifer said and closed his eyes, wrapping one of his tentacle hands around Sam’s wrists. It was a weird feeling, but it wasn’t scary or unpleasant. In fact, the countless of fleshy suckers almost tickled Sam’s skin in a way. “I cannot give you what you deserve, I am a monster that is bound to this ship, cursed to punish those who deserve it. All that you remember about me is gone, Sam.”

“No, it’s not,” Sam whispered and shook his head. He brushed his thumb over Lucifer’s cheek, smiling weakly. “You saved me, you brought me here to protect me. If you would be a monster, you would have hurt me, but you didn’t.”

“I could never hurt you, Sam,” Lucifer assured him. Sam felt something else wrap around his waist, his smile brightening a little when he realized that Lucifer actually held him in the only way he could think of. “I have been watching over you since you were back out there.”

“I know,” Sam smiled. “I didn’t know why I wasn’t scared when I saw this ship, but now it makes sense. I never stopped loving you, Lucifer, and I still do.”

“You could love this monstrosity?” Lucifer asked, doubting. “This disgusting creature I have become?”

“No, I couldn’t,” Sam said and shook his head. “I  _ do _ .”

It was a spontaneous thing to do, but Sam couldn’t think of a more convincing way to prove his words to Lucifer. He pushed himself up on his toes, sealing Lucifer’s now almost non-existent lips with his own and closing his eyes. He knew he would never stop loving him, no matter what he looked like or did, so what better way to show he was truthful than kiss the one he felt so much for?

The feeling was confusing at first, mostly because it was so incredibly unfamiliar, but Sam wasn’t appalled at all. Yes, it was different, but he put all his love into this touch. For a moment Lucifer was startled, almost shocked, but after a few seconds Sam felt his tense body relax and he pulled him closer, deepening their kiss. Despite the weird feeling of it, Sam realized that he would never care about that - Lucifer accepted his sign of affection and it was the most beautiful thing that ever happened to him. Sam didn’t know how long they kissed - it could have been years to be honest, at least that’s how it felt - but he enjoyed every single second of it.

Suddenly, Sam felt something strange, however. There was a rush of adrenaline and heat that pushed through his body, as if he was burning from the inside and when he tried to break their kiss - out of confusion and surprise - he couldn’t move. As if he was frozen and had become one with Lucifer. Then, without a warning, Sam was suddenly pushed back by a bright and intense light that forced him to press his eyes close even more because despite them being closed, he feared that it would blind him on the spot. Sam covered his eyes with his hands, barely recognizing that they, too, were burning hot and that Lucifer was groaning as if he was in pain.

When the light finally faded, Sam’s first reaction was to check on his lover.

“Lucifer!” He gasped and fell to his knees next to the man cowering on the ground. He grabbed his arms tight, begging that the other wasn’t hurt. “Lucifer, what happened? Are you okay?”

Lucifer didn’t answer, but there was no need for him to. He looked up and met Sam’s panic filled eyes, which widened with shock immediately.

“Oh my god!” Sam’s hands cupped Lucifer’s face desperately, pressing against his cheeks and roaming every inch they could reach as tears of happiness and joy rolled down his face. “Lucifer, look at yourself! Your face! Oh god, your face!”

Lucifer’s eyes widened too at this and he ripped his hands up himself, covering Sam’s with them. It took him a moment to realize that he could actually feel Sam’s hands with his own, that they were not tentacles anymore, but actual hands with fingers. He grabbed Sam, pulled his hands away from his face and stared at them as if he had never seen them before in his life. His eyes watered too now, a sound of shock and surprise escaping his throat before he grabbed Sam’s face harshly and pulled him into a deep and salty kiss. Sam let it happen without complaining, his relief and surprise so overwhelming that all he could do was let his emotions out and cover Lucifer’s hands as they connected in this beautiful and passionately desperate kiss.

Sam had no idea what happened or why Lucifer suddenly looked like he remembered him again, but he didn’t care for the answer to that at all. He had been dying for this touch for so long, it was all he needed in his life. The love he felt in this moment was just so intense and paralyzing that nothing else mattered anymore. Lucifer was here, Lucifer kissed him and he had the man he loved back - anything else was meaningless. Only this moment mattered.

When they finally parted, it wasn’t because one of them wanted to, but because they needed to breathe. Lucifer kept holding Sam’s face though and rested his forehead against the other’s, laughing and sobbing as much as Sam.

“This is a miracle, Sam! I can’t believe it!”

“I love you, Luci,” Sam sobbed and let go of Lucifer’s hands to wrap his arms around him. “I love you so much and I was dying without you! I’m so glad to have you back!”

“I love you too, Sam. Oh god, you have no idea how much I love you!” Lucifer held Sam as close as he physically could, kissing his cheek and head and shoulder - every inch of him he could reach. “I will never leave you again, I promise. Nothing will ever tear us apart.”

“Don’t, please,” Sam sniffed and buried his face against the crook of Lucifer’s neck. “I’m finally home again, I never want to leave you again.”

“You won’t, I swear by my life. You are safe now and I will stay with you forever.”

Sam was too happy to find any more words, so he simply held onto Lucifer as tight as possible. After all this time and all this torture, he finally had him back and he couldn’t be more grateful for it. Without Lucifer his life had been a nightmare, but now he knew he would never think about this horrible time again. Even if he would have stayed the way he was, Sam wouldn’t have left him, but this was a gift from heaven and he knew it. For the rest of his life, Sam would cherish and treasure Lucifer and their love and he wouldn’t let anything rip them apart ever again.

The nightmare was finally over. Lucifer was back and that was all that mattered.


End file.
